2 Kings 6:12 - 17

There once lived a great prophet named Elisha. The king of Aram sent his soldiers to capture him. Overnight, the army surrounded the city. When Elisha's servant saw what happened the next morning, he was alarmed. But Elisha looked at him and said, "Do not worry. Those who are with us are more than those who are with them," He prayed to the Lord to open the eyes of the servant, that he may see what was really happening. The servants eyes were opened. He saw horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

The army of God was with them.


It is so easy to look at the natural and despair. But a bad place to be is the best place where God can work His miracles. Lord, open my eyes of little faith so that i shall walk by faith and not by sight!

YOUR PRESENCE IS THE TRUE NORTH

Today is the start of my internship with Thir.st, an upcoming Christian website/e-mag. I thought this would be a good time to post about my testimony of how God is faithful even in times when I was faithless. Some of you may have heard this story from me but God has proven Himself yet again and therefore, there is a continuation to the story. I hope this testimony blesses and encourages you, wherever you are.

Part 1: The Call

When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, "Moses, Moses!" The LORD said, "I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey." But Moses said to God, 

"Who am I, that I should go the Phraraoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"

Few years back at a church conference, I responded to an altar call where I decided to use my blog to glorify God in the media sector. This led to many difficult decisions I had to make along the way. Decisions such as making this blog public, linking it to my social media accounts and even writing and imparting spiritual knowledge (rather than just mindless blabbering and personal sharing). The process was hard because it took out so much of me. Not just my time or my effort but me. Myself. I did not like the idea of people having access to parts of me - especially when I do not even know who the potential readers might be. Nevertheless, one can fight against the Holy Spirit for so long. I eventually died to self and linked my blog's URL to all my social media platforms. I started to post more spiritual content and even embarked on this #spiritualappetizer segment subsequently in order to honour my promise to God.

Part 2: The Rebellion

All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, "If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this desert! Why is the LORD bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn't it be better for us to go back to Egypt?" And they said to each other, 

"We should choose a leader and go back to Egypt."

And yet, for the longest period of time, I did not know what in the world i was doing. This mission of mine felt small and insignificant. I mean the readership isn't big since I generally try to keep a low profile so why in the world did God convict me to use my blog for a greater purpose? At this point I want to say that it was not that this space completely did not have any impact. But I felt that my sacrifice was so big that the result could not justify it at all. I know this is not the kind of attitude we should have; I was too focused on myself, too focused on my "loss" that I refused to see any gains that it reaped. My offering to God became an exchange. I thought to myself, "God I gave up so much of me... but what am I doing all these for? Where are the fruits? Where is the reward?"

And so, I began to wonder if my sacrifice was worth it at all.

Following that, there were many times I was faithless. I contemplated shutting down this space. I procrastinated on topics that God revealed to me. I mean, yeah I could argue that I was faithful because I did continue trudging on in the end. But it was a faithfulness that lacked faith. And any gift that lacked faith does not please God.

Part 3: The Providence

For the LORD your God has blessed you in all that you have done; He has known your wanderings through this great wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you; you have not lacked a thing.

-
The Lord said to Moses,“I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites. Tell them, ‘At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God.'"

It felt like i was wandering around in the 'wilderness' for the past few years. Then some months ago, I caught up with HH. She randomly told me that the place she's working at was looking for writers. I decided to take up the challenge - partly because I had time and I thought why not use it wisely and partly because I wanted to be more disciplined in honouring God in the media sector. I felt that I would be more motivated (or like forced) to hone my skills and to write if I had a legitimate reason to.

I did not expect much - in fact I told HH I was willing to do this for free - because honestly I didn't have any related experience or qualifications. Even as I was preparing my "portfolio", I felt lost. I had nothing to show in the past few years that was related to writing except for my socio essays. I mean seriously!! HH then assured me that it was all very informal and that's when I decided to heck it and send in my #spiritualappetizers as my portfolio.

Long story short, I got the position as a contributor.

I initially did not think much about it but as the week passed, it started to sink into me that I got the position by the one thing I despised the most - my blog posts. Feelings began to bubble inside of me as I realised that God did not abandon me. For all the times I felt lost and aimless with what I was doing, God was there paving a way.

But that's not the end.

Part 4: The Promised Land

Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will gather you and bring you back. He will bring you to the land that belonged to your fathers, and you will take possession of it.

-

So the LORD gave Israel all the land he had sworn to give their forefathers, and they took possession of it and settled there. 

The LORD gave them rest on every side, just as he had sworn to their forefathers. Not one of their enemies withstood them; 

the LORD handed all their enemies over to them. Not one of all the LORD's good promises to the house of Israel failed; 

every one was fulfilled.

As they are a non-profit organization, they do not have the budget to pay for freelancers. This was fine with me as getting paid was not my main intention anyway. Along the way, one of my colleagues asked if i was interested to attend this writing course which will set me back by $300. I had a hard time deciding because i felt that if i wanted to pursue honour God with my writing, I should be investing my time and resources to build my skills up right? But i was financially tight. I had recently started sponsoring a kid, something that I wanted to do for quite some time. My allowance dipped right after i made the decision. So for the past few months, I had been living in deficit. I did question God for awhile. Like, omg why is this happening right now? I mean, it wasnt a drastic change but i definitely had to be more conscious about my expenditure otherwise my savings will deplete over time. Going for a workshop seemed out of the question.

Amidst all these, the boss of the company randomly contacted me for an interview as he wanted to extend an internship to me during my holidays. I headed down to chat with him and he offered me a good pay and was flexible to accommodate the other commitments i have. As i laid on my bed that night thinking about this matter, i suddenly got reminded of a prophecy that was spoken over me 2 months back. The person prophecised a lot of things (ridiculous things may i add) over me and throughout the entire experience, my eyebrows were furrowed in confusion because i had no idea how the things he said will ever come to pass. But out of respect, i just kept all the prophecies in my heart, noting the more immediate prophecies that i could test out. One of which was that i would start a new season in my life in mid November/ December.

If i were to take on the internship, i would be starting on 14th November (since that's when my semester officially ends as i do not have exams) and that is right smack in the middle of the month of November. My stint would only last till December since i will be starting a new semester in January. During my interview, i discovered that one of the main motivating factors of the company matches the area i had a soft spot for. And if i really took up the offer, i would be able to pay for the workshop and still have leftover which will cover for the past months that i had been dipping into my savings. The eerie thing was that if my previous job assignments hadn't been taken away from me, i would not be able to accept this internship due to conflict of schedule.

Everything simply... fell nicely into place.

Part 5: The Conclusion

In Exodus 33, God had enough of the Israelites' contempt and unfaithfulness. He told Moses that He would deliver them from their enemies and keep His promise of a land flowing with milk and honey but He will not be with them. In other words, they can have His promises, but not His presence. And Moses cried out, "If Your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here." Moses understood that God's promises without His presence are not worth having. He refused to take a step into the Promised Land if God wasn't with them.

Some of you may find yourself in a similar situation as i was right now. Perhaps you're looking for something from God in exchange for your offering. Or perhaps you feel like God had promised you something only to let you down. Perhaps you're praying to God for a sign of reassurance but to no avail. But if there's one thing that i've learnt throughout this entire process is that God never fails. Even in the darkest of nights where i could not see the path ahead; when i felt alone battling with doubts and anxieties; when i lost focus on the reason why i even do the things i do, He has always been by my side, leading me. We just need to continue to be faithful.

Honestly, I am not sure if the internship is the end the journey itself. Maybe there will be more, maybe this is it. Either way, I have learnt to not seek after what God can give but to trust and be contented in Him for He is a faithful Father who has never once abandoned us. To those whom He has entrusted, He has a plan. He is our compass. He is our guide.

Yes indeed, Your presence is the only assurance we need.

The eye of a tornado

Photo: x x x / Lyrics: You Satisfy My Soul by Laura Hackett / Edited by: Me

This week, or rather this entire semester, had been a really bad one. I cant remember the last time i felt so disappointed in myself. Maybe when i was in secondary school? I had always pride myself on having self control but everything spiralled out of my hand this semester. Friendship, studies, personal image... I kept finding myself in situations where i would lose my helm and composure. Despite the discouragements, i still managed to hold on to my broken fort. I would wake up my idea, tell myself to stop thinking about my past trip ups and carry on. But today, as i walked out of the exam hall, i could feel that whatever ruins that were left completely disintegrated into powder.

The worst part was not knowing that i probably wont do well after the paper because i had already braced myself for that. The worst part was having an epiphany on the correct answer right after i submitted my paper - the thinking that i actually had a hope at regaining my momentum but it slipped away in front of my eyes like sand through a palm - that was the worst. I wanted to cry but i was so hollow and empty inside that i couldnt tear up.

I walked back to HQ for refreshment night and they were singing the bridge of Never Once. I thought it was so beautiful that i cried. Im in a mess of a whirlwind but there is one constant in my life. Jesus, You are by my side and i am never alone.

The desire to have control is great but i am willing to lose it all for the promise of Your presence. Because at the end of it all, only Your love can satisfy my soul.



I may not be in control. But You are.

I have heard the song of love that You sing

Photo: x x x / Lyrics: You Make Me Brave by Amanda Cook / Edited by: Me

Creating typographies had been my form of worship unto God in the past. I could spend hours imprinting verses and lyrics on beautiful pictures. Its been too long, too long.

I like the analogy between waves and God's love. To me, God's love is like when you walk on the edges of the shore - the moment when the warm waves kiss your feet and then slowly drawing back. It is soothing and comforting and i just want to feel the waves lapping against my skin forever. But the waves in You Make Me Brave are not gentle. It is majestic and strong. I remember seeing the Indiana ocean in Bali and realising the full intensity of the song for the first time. God's love is calming but it is also powerful. Do i even fully know what that entails?

Mmm.

I have been wanting to lead a more prayerful life. I always thought myself as extremely blessed. I could haven been born impaired, i could be living in a war zone but here i am, safe and sound while children - babies even - wonder if they could make it through the next second. It struck me that it is not that God does not care for those people. He has placed others in influential and privilege positions so that they can be a refuge to those in need. I am where i am so that others can find refuge in me. Though i cant do much but i can pray.

I used to think prayers are redundant. If God wants to work miracles, He will do so. How does my prayer help? But someone shared a story with me one day. The church was in chaos and people were fighting with one another. One man asked God why doesn't He do anything. Then, he saw armies of angels surrounding the church. And God said, "I won't move until my people pray."

God wants to move but He wants to move with us. It is a co-operation, not a one-man (or in this case, God) show. Prayers help me see God's heart for His people. Prayers help me align my will with His. God's heart is hurting and i want to cry with Him.

Why Paul?

Sometimes i really want to smack myself for choosing the name 'Paul'. I get a mini heart attack whenever i need to introduce myself. WHY DID I CHOOSE SUCH A CONTROVERSIAL NAME IN THE FIRST PLACE, MAKING MY LIFE DIFFICULT? WHY?!

And then i go back to reading his letters to the churches and this man always stuns me. I am floored every time i read his letters. And his passion. My god. He is such a deranged person for Christ. My brain sometimes find it hard to comprehend and contain the amount of love and reverence he had towards God. Many days i lay on my bed after reading the bible, specifically his letters, speechless. He is everything i am and everything i am not; everything i want to be and everything i am afraid to be.

And also because he always says the darnest things.

Mmm, definitely my favourite bible character.


Except Jesus.
Because Jesus is a whole new level. #sorrycantcompare.

Hallelujah, You have overcome

Matthew 27:28-29
They stripped Him and put a scarlet robe on Him. And after twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on His head, and a reed in His right hand; and they knelt down before Him and mocked Him, saying, "Hail, King of the Jews!" 

The Roman soldiers who ridiculed Jesus by placing a crown of thorns on Him thought they had the final laugh. Little did they know that they had placed a crown of victory upon the rest of humanity. For though Jesus suffered for a time beneath the curse by laying down His life for His sheep, He overthrew death and was crowned with glory. And all who call upon the name of Jesus live in the same victory forevermore.

At the cross the work was finished, You were buried in the ground.
But the grave could not contain You for You wear the Victor's crown.

Lover of my soul

Photo: bythewayimjordon / Lyrics: Give Me Jesus by All Sons & Daughters / Edited by: Me

Sometimes there are battles so hard to fight that i want to run away. I get weary, i get sad. It is never easy, it is always tough. But as hard as i try, i cant turn away from Jesus. His love compels me even through the darkest of times.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

In this life I've had many wants and distractions. There has been many brawls and struggles. But there is only One's arms i want to run into. There's only One who can fully satisfy my soul. People can conjure many fanciful ideas and arguments about God but dont you see those are just a waste of time? All i want is Jesus. I couldnt care less about senseless talks. But though my soul, like Lot's, is distressed by the lawlessness of the age and my heart longs for heaven where my Father is, i will pick up hope and carry on. For my work here on earth is not yet finished; for there is a war to win before returning home.

Still, my heart is set on Christ because there is nothing the world could offer that I would desire more than His presence. Everything is just a way to pass time till I see my Maker once more.

In the morning, when I rise 
When I am alone,
When I come to die,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

Excessive

I think too much. I think on the train; i think when i eat; i think when im with friends; i think even as i sleep. Sometimes i wish my brain would just shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut. Up.

Too much thoughts, too little words.

The Lamb has overcome

Photo: x x x / Lyrics: Forever by Kari Jobe / Edited by: Me

I cant help but to tear every time i think of how mightily He loves and saves.

I've said this a million times but i'll say it again: Never have i known of any other king who abandoned his throne to become a servant for his people; Never have i heard of any other god who calls himself Father and his creation, Children. I can search all the world and know that i will not find another who love me so.

Oh Jesus, you have won me, you have won me, you have won me.

And on this day, some 2000 years ago, you battled our enemy and on the third day rose in victory. You rose from the dead, your perfect love could not be overcome. Let my lips trumpet your victory till the end of my days; Jesus I'll worship your holy name.

Matthew 14:25-33

Photo: waveless-ocean / Lyrics: Oceans (Where feet may fail) by Hillsong / Edited by: Me

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

What i like best about reading the bible is that it speaks to you differently through the same passage. The story of Jesus walking on water is a short and famous story yet i have discovered so many lessons from reading it over and over again throughout the years.

7 Lessons Learnt From Walking On Water:

1. He hears. He hears even prayers as simple and short as "Lord, save me!" because everything about you matters to Him.

2. Why look at God's capability through the lens of your own ability, forgetting that though you cannot perform miracles, He can do the impossible?

3. The moment you start to focus on your fears, you also temporarily buy into the lie that your problems are bigger than your Saviour not realising that split second of doubt is enough to drag you down.

4. Did you realise when Jesus asked Peter to walk on water, he did not hesitate because he was so sure that he is faith-filled? Yet he forsook his faith at the first sign of trouble. Claiming to be brave is easy when the road is smooth. Question is, will you begin to doubt when trials start to appear?

5. Plot twist: God already knows your bravery is just a boast and that you will doubt Him during difficult times. But times when you are faithless, He is still faithful. He will save you with grace.

6. The point where you've come so far that you forgot why you even started; the point where there are still miles ahead and you cant see the end - that is the point where hope is used up for the journey so far and there is no light to recharge it for the rest of the trip. Yet if we have the faith to take the first step, may we have the faith to see it to its completion as well.

7. It is through those seemingly impossible times that your faith will blossom to full maturity at the end of it all.

对未知的恐惧

The root of all fear, i believe, stems from the unknown. Why are people scared of death? Why are people scared of ghosts and spirits? I was watching this Youtube tag called the "What Is It Challenge" and people were so terrified when they were asked to touch things like leaves, acorns while being blindfolded. The way they screamed almost made it feel like you're watching a scene from Saw. 

Funny. But don't you think it reveals a deeper disclosure about humans?

Fear seizes us when we are unable to see, literally and figuratively. The moment we lose our sight is also the moment we lose our knowledge and control. Without knowledge and control, we feel disadvantaged; we feel powerless. This lack of power becomes a breeding ground for insecurities.

In traditional society, people were afraid of Nature. They worshipped and prayed to gods in fear of bad weather such as drought or monsoon or typhoons etc. Nature was an unknown factor to people and people could not control Nature. Hence, Nature was powerful. Nature was almighty. In modern society, however, people have learnt to understand Nature. We can now calculate the forthcoming of a tsunami, we know the formation of hurricanes. And so, we have the upper hand. We "gained" power. Instead of respecting Nature, we turned to exploit it. Millions of trees destroyed as we waste paper. Natural reserves gone as we dig into the grounds for minerals.

Humans are always trying to be in control. Take insurance for instance. You do realise that buying insurance does almost nothing to lower risks right? It is merely a compensation, a back up plan. We have learnt to calculate and measure the uncertainties of the future and put a worth to it. The capitalisation of risks shows how humans dearly look for means to be in control in any slightest way. Knowing gives us control, power and security.

It is never easy to trace the origins of a thought but i suppose the start of all the talk on uncertainty and risk was inspired by Daniel. He had such great faith that he continued worshipping god despite knowing that he would be thrown into the lions' den. I placed myself in his shoes. The results were immediate. I knew that i did not have faith like his.

Why?

I mean, God has been real in my life. I have seen the miracles He performed. I have been touched by Him. So why is it that i am still lacking in faith? Then i realised the reason. It is not because i do not believe in God's power. I do, i do. But the million dollar question is not on whether He could, it is about if He would. I knew that God had the power to save me. Yet at the same time, i understood that He had the power to take away my life too. It is a 50/50 chance. I have no control. It dawned upon me that Daniel completely comprehended this as well when he made his decision. His display of faith was not so much about being fearless because he believed in a powerful god, but that he was willing to stare straight into the eyes of the unknown without being in control, without having the upper hand, without having any sense of security at all.

Faith was the test to assess how much Daniel was willing to surrender and submit. Hope was the only thing left to help him make any sense out of this equation.

You know, we are all trained to calculate and measure things to the best of our ability. Is it worth it if i sleep more but study less? Is it worth it if i take up this high paying job but spend less time with my family? Is it worth it, is it worth it, is it worth it? All day long, we are just calculating and measuring in order to reduce risks to the minimum level because it gives us a sense of control and power of the future. However, there are many things that we are unable to calculate and there are even much more things which are out of our control.

Look at how the technologies we invented have helped us in understanding nature and to reduce risks. Yet, these are also the technologies that have betrayed us by bringing in new forms of risks such as nuclear power, thinning of the ozone layer, global warming etc. We try desperately to be in control, but are we? Or have we already spun out of beat to life's tempo and have yet to realised that we are just trying to catch up?

If These Sheets Were The States

My jam for this mugging period.

No, im not talking about strawberry jams.

March's Inspirations

I found this lying in my draft which i had composed in March.

Psalm 34:8

Photos: Oceannation / Lyrics: I Need You More by Jesus Culture/ Edited by: Me 

2009. I was in my cousin's church. One thought ran through my mind: How is it possible anyone love God more than their own husband or wife? I can understand if you love God. But you can't see God. You can't touch God. How do you love someone who isn't even tangible more than anyone else in your life?  

2013. The bible says to come and taste that the Lord is good. I have. And i can never look back. I never want to go back to my old life. Knowing Jesus truly was the best decision i could make in my life.

John 3:16

Photos: Oceannation / Lyrics: How He Loves by David Crowder Band / Edited by: Me 

I first got to know this song in the restaurant, Saveur. There was a big painting near the entrance and the bridge of the song was written on it. I went home to googled the lyrics and listened to the music. At first, I was not very entranced by it. The melody is not as catchy as other Christian songs. The lyrics were not as straightforward as well. But this song always come up when i hit the shuffle button in my phone. The more i listened to it, the more in love i grew. The lyrics are like stanzas of poems. Short, profound yet beautiful; Every word dripping with the truth and adoration.



//update: on hindsight, i realised different version has slightly different lyrics due to its 'controversial' lyrics. I would like to say that the first version that i listened to was David Crowder's in which he changed the lyrics to 'unforeseen kiss' and that was the version i knew when creating this post. However, i definitely do prefer 'sloppy wet kiss' after knowing that there's a difference. It makes much more sense poetically and i think it flows with the imagery that the songwriter had intended and conveyed throughout this song. I don't see how it is controversial anyway. I see it for its raw emotions and for its artistic expression. You can read more from the original songwriter's post here.