The eye of a tornado

Photo: x x x / Lyrics: You Satisfy My Soul by Laura Hackett / Edited by: Me

This week, or rather this entire semester, had been a really bad one. I cant remember the last time i felt so disappointed in myself. Maybe when i was in secondary school? I had always pride myself on having self control but everything spiralled out of my hand this semester. Friendship, studies, personal image... I kept finding myself in situations where i would lose my helm and composure. Despite the discouragements, i still managed to hold on to my broken fort. I would wake up my idea, tell myself to stop thinking about my past trip ups and carry on. But today, as i walked out of the exam hall, i could feel that whatever ruins that were left completely disintegrated into powder.

The worst part was not knowing that i probably wont do well after the paper because i had already braced myself for that. The worst part was having an epiphany on the correct answer right after i submitted my paper - the thinking that i actually had a hope at regaining my momentum but it slipped away in front of my eyes like sand through a palm - that was the worst. I wanted to cry but i was so hollow and empty inside that i couldnt tear up.

I walked back to HQ for refreshment night and they were singing the bridge of Never Once. I thought it was so beautiful that i cried. Im in a mess of a whirlwind but there is one constant in my life. Jesus, You are by my side and i am never alone.

The desire to have control is great but i am willing to lose it all for the promise of Your presence. Because at the end of it all, only Your love can satisfy my soul.



I may not be in control. But You are.