WHEN I LET GO THEN I FIND LIFE

I cannot believe that my last post was dated 2 months ago. Seriously, where did all the time go? It's scary how busy life can get. You know how, to maximise time, some people will do their work-unrelated stuff while commuting? Like catch up on texts or settle ministry stuff or do daily reflections etc? I used to be like that. But recently, I've come to a point where I'm so drained that I don't want to use my brain cells at all during my precious break time. So everything else just piled up and soon, I have a long to-do list. Which is very uncharacteristic of me because I'm the kind of person who will find the most efficient way to do things.

I had a day off to myself yesterday to just be a recluse and I came to a conclusion that I need to take leave every now and then to keep myself sane. It really feels good to simply disconnect from the world for 24 hours and simply hole up at home. And now I have the energy to reply messages and work on my backlog haha. I think instead of saving my leaves for travelling, I'm going to schedule leaves for personal time-off and then arrange a holiday with whatever's left.

To all who have yet entered the working force, let me tell you that work can suck so much energy from you so always remember to recharge yourself by plugging back to God. Like really spend quality time with Him. You'll need it.

And the highlight for the past few months definitely has to be meeting Hillsong Young and Free! I mean, I don't advocate idolising worship bands but you really have to give it to Hillsong for consistently topping themselves, breaking new grounds and pushing Christianity to the limelight for the world to see.

COUCH POTATO

It's 11.03 right now and I am home munching on a packet of potato chips. I finished the final exam of my entire life today and this marks the unofficial end to my uni life. I dont know what to feel. I mean it feels just like any other day. As i reflected briefly on the last 4 years, the only regret i have is that i should have let my hair down more. I wished i had led a more exciting uni life but oh well, it's been alright. It's not like i particularly enjoy living anyway, shrugs.

What i am looking forward to though is what i'm gonna plan to do post-uni life. I'm going to create a list here and check back again next week to see my progress.

1. Read 2 books a month
Ok, I know i haven't been doing my book reviews (the last of which was in October) but I have been reading. The good news is, I completed Counterfeit God and PS I Love You amongst other titles which i think are inappropriate to share right now. But as for the 2 books, i would say speed read through Counterfeit God and skip PS I Love You (sorry Y but really, there are waaaaaaaay better romance books out there).

I've always wondered how Tracy never fail to be able to find a story from the bible related to the message that she's preaching and i realised it all boils down to an expansion of exposure to expository Christian writings. Therefore, I am going to try to build up my knowledge of the bible by doing in-depth research. To balance things out, I will also read a non-Christian book of my choice. I have a growing list of novels I want to read and it's high time i start striking them off.

Target for the remaining month of April: To finish off Spiritual Leadership (LOL I have been reading this since Sept but in my defence it is a book that requires you to reflect rather than just consume and go) and Panic (this one worse, I think i started it 3-4 years ago and am only halfway through).

2. Finish Pastor Benny Ho's Revelation Sermon Series
This is a complete joke. The entire series comprises of 7 CDs and while i was watching the 3rd or 4th one, the CD got stuck in my macbook and it remained there for nearly a year. I had every intention to just leave it in until my dad managed to pry it out and now i can finally resume this series.

Target for the remaining month of April: To finish the series.

3. Watch shows
13 Reasons Why
Black Mirror
The Liar and His Lover

Ok let's just cap it at there because the list will just go on if i were to state everything down.

4. Spend time with my grandmother
I'm just gonna stay over at her house and achieve my above targets. Killing 2 birds with 1 stone woohoo. And also to potentially learn cooking from her too. She's my favourite chef everrrrrr :D

5. Resume my once a week exercise/sports
*Cries*

6. Reflect and blog more
I have been getting random thoughts in my head and i jotted some of them down on my phone. Time to start expounding on them.

Alright that's it. Let's hope i can achieve at least 1 & 2 by the end of the month. Bye bye BYEEEE!

IN THE SILENCE OF THE HEART YOU SPEAK

The best part about ending FYP is this: that I have lots of time to simply introspect and worship God without constraint. Having alone time really comforts and soothes my soul 😌  If only I had all the time in the world, i would just lay on my bed the entire day and sink myself in the abyss of worship songs (preferably Audrey Assad's).

Side note, i have been a blessed recipient of care and concern throughout my FYP so a big thank you to those who have given me great support. I am really thankful 🙆🏻💕

I will be back with more substantial content, once I get my mind sorted out. I need to realign myself. Jesus, i'm coming for yooOooOoOOoooOooOouuu ❤️️❤️❤️️

P&W

on praise and worship
I used to prefer worship over praise songs because worship songs are quieter and meditative... a more conducive genre for me to feel God's presence. But I have been really, really, really loving praise recently! Who says you can't immerse yourself and experience God through upbeat praise songs as much as worship songs (I am currently obsessed with CEDM whoop whoop!!)!?

I remember there was a lot of controversies when Hillsong's Wake first came up because people thought it was too worldly/ too EDM etc etc. I had my reservations too but i suppose any song that is made to glorify God can be considered holy! I think we shouldnt limit ourselves to thinking that loving God shown through a serious and solemn manner. I think God is happy to inhibit in our praise and joy and shouts too! 

on the expressions of praise and worship

I used to only clap my hands during praise. It remained like that for 3 years. 3 years!! Imagine just standing still and clapping and singing lol. I mean, come on! If people can get high on nothing and club like mad every weekend, then shouldn't we be more compelled to get high on Jesus and party hard every Saturday? God deserves so much more! 

That really changed my perspective and now I can't help but want to jump, clap, sway and laugh to the music. I don't care if the people around me are deadpanned. I'm just gonna praise God #handsintheair #swaytothebeat #shoutandclap :D Actually... i secretly want to grab the hands of the person beside me and twirl around during praise HAHAHA. But i don't dare. Which is why I'm always in awe of those people who freely dance in the spirit near front of the stage. I don't know them personally but i can recognise their faces and whenever they are near me I'm just like shooting byung-byung eyes. 

byung byung eyes

Woohoo, can't wait to get to heaven and praise and worship God! Imagine how awesome it will be with EVERYONE celebrating His goodness! WHOOP WHOOP! I WANNA PARTY FOR CHRIST! I WANNA GET DRUNK IN GOD'S GOODNESS #PUTYOURHANDSINTHEAIR #SWAYTOTHEBEAT #SHOUTANDCLAP

on the reason behind praise and worship
As you may know, I was struggling a few months back. Honestly, my situation has not changed for the better. In fact, things got complicated and more problems arose. Lol. But i think God really poured me an extra dosage of His joy since then and i don't feel as frustrated and angry as i did. I am currently obsessed with Hillsong's Energy (#CEDMforthewin!!) and i think it is what God is to me at this moment. Thank you Jesus for being my vitality pill  :)

Now, back to essay writing.

Signs of productivity:

You have snacked more than you have studied.
Telling yourself you're going to nap for 30 mins... and waking up 2.5 hours later.
Wasting time practicing past piano exam pieces which are of no use to your present nor future.

Hardworking is me. Me is hardworking.

❤️‍

Had a serious wardrobe malfunction that day. Still, we found a new dessert place to have afternoon tea when the new uni service timing starts hahaha.

The 3 things that made me so happy today to the point of me updating this space:

1. I got my study bible today and coincidentally, my outfit matched with the book's colour palette!!

2. One of my current favourite praise song was sung in church today!! AHHHH :D

3. Exodus 4:10-11

It made me so happy that the bad experience of waiting 45 minutes for a cab (who takes that long to hail a cab???) doesn't dampen my spirits anymore.

A heart's cry

Verse 1
走过无数个黑夜 Walking through the darkest night,
我的心慢慢冷却 my heart's turning cold inside
是否真的无法盼得 I start wondering if I'll ever
曙光来的那一天 get to see the dawning light.

Verse 2
站在风雨的跟前 Standing here before the storm
我要专注你的脸 Lord Your face I look upon.
歌颂你的信实永不变 Singing "faithful is the King of all"

Chorus
你说 You said:
"你要勇敢 你要坚强 "be strong and be courageous
永远不妥协 don't waver, don't fall
因为 我的十架 我的宝血 'Cause my cross and my blood
证明了一切 has proved it all.
经历 彷徨 伤痛 疲惫 Doubts, hurts, and weariness can make you dry,
记得来到我跟前 but come to me, child,
让我为你擦干你的眼" I'll wipe the tears from your eyes" 

Verse 3
跟随你的这些年 All the memories of my journey with You
幕幕浮现在眼前 are appearing before my eyes.
你的承诺在我身命 I see that Your faithfulness was revealed
一次又一次实现 through all Your promises realised in my life.

Verse 4
天涯海角寻一遍 For something to fill me, I have searched far and wide.
空虚中我才发现 But it's only in the emptiness when I realised,
唯独你能充满我心田 that it's only You who can truly satisfy.

Discovered a great song today.

❝ He would rather go to hell for you than go to heaven without you. ❞

❝ Nothing in my nature is a Godly woman. So every morning I have a challenge ahead. I need prayer. ❞

Over recess week

#machiamlikewedding

Songs that I used during my big 21 party. Click to play; in random order.

September is my favourite month for obvious reasons. And with a blink of an eye, its all over. October has been ushered in.

Thank you to everyone who made time to celebrate my 21st with me. Sorry to make you guys stand for 45 minutes. Those who were not able to make it, your well wishes are acknowledged and appreciated. I am blessed indeed.

I know this space has been dead for the entire of September but i'll be back to revive it, promise. I'm trying to sort out the thoughts in my head and its not easy because i've been feeling so lazy recently. I just want to be unproductive ever since school started.

It ain't over

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell.

Courage

“Bran thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?'
'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.”

Why is it so hard to be courageous?

So many things happened during Conference and i am trying to consolidate and sort out my thoughts. God is amazing. He is such a detailed planner that it astonishes me. My life is not a series of coincidences. Every day has meaning. Every moment has its purpose. My future is held by my divine Creator who has a great plan for my life. Wow.

What I've Been Doing With Life?

...Waltzing on.

A beautiful and magnificent piece. I can't stop listening to it :')

How amazing is it that humans can create and enjoy such lovely sounds?
How wonderful that even people who do not understand music can revel in it!

Truly, there are two languages that has no boundaries.

The language of music and the language of love.

Sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side

I am not a fan of western shows because they come in seasons. And i hate the feeling of waiting tirelessly for a new season only to have a short enjoyment before it all ends and the cycle repeats.

I just finished 3 seasons of Sherlock.
What am i supposed to do with life now???

Book: The Wanting Seed

“Sanity’s a handicap and a liability if you are living in a mad world.”

I packed with me The Wanting Seed by Anthony Burgess to Germany to keep me company during long train rides. I love the book and its themes explored. A wonderful read.

Will update this space soon.

The comings and goings

1. The comeback of your friends with a newly found ang mo accent.
You know they are your true friends are when they are not embarrassed by the fact that you brought 3 pillows into the cinema to watch Captain Phillips.

2. The reappearance of friends who are so close that they almost take you for granted if not for the fact that you're a willing volunteer.
You know that i am a true friend when i willingly wait 2 hours just to spend 2 hours catching up and advising one another.

4. The departure of your enlisted friends.
Because you probably wont get to see them for the next half a year.

5. The arrival of new found friends.
You know which friend is a keeper when they let you bully them and constantly appreciate your presence in their life.

6. Most importantly, the early arrival of the Christmas presents you bought for yourself.