24

Not many were aware of the occasion as I had unlinked my birthday from facebook notification a few years back, but the past week saw me celebrating my 24th.

It's not that i want to test who my true friends are – I understand that there's just so many birthdays that we can't keep track of it all. I mean, I also don't remember my friends' birthdays hahaha. Instead of making celebrations obligatory, I just want to keep things free and easy, spending the special occasion with my loved ones without imposing it on anybody else.

Aligned with my desire to keep things low-key, my birthday celebrations weren't extravagant. My LG kickstarted it with a simple dinner, great conversation and a round of affirmation. It wasn't anything special but I appreciated the time spent together very, very, very much ☺️

YX and I wanted to visit a video gaming cafe on my birthday and we later on decided to invite some of our mutual friends to join us while withholding the information that it was my birthday though I think he eventually told them la cause they presented me with a card and a cake (thank you friends!). Had a great time laughing because of the games we played. I could totally use the clips I've recorded as blackmail materials in the future 😂

We left the group in the evening to join my family for dinner. The food was really good and the prices were reasonable! If you're living in the east and are looking for a decent zichar place, do give the place a try. Especially the double hor fun 👍🏼

Jin Hock Seafood 金福海鲜菜馆 | 844 Tampines Street 82, 520844

***

To be honest, birthdays are quite overrated. Why do we even celebrate birthdays? The reason(s) fluctuates person to person and even my answer changes with each passing year, from commemorating a milestone reached to recognising my significance on earth to letting others fuss over me as a way of loving them. But this year, I celebrate my birthday because I want to celebrate life.

I'm not sure about most people but I tend to think about death a lot. Not in a suicidal way – there is a difference between wanting to die and wanting to kill yourself – but more of a philosophical manner. Any rational person who would sit down and analyse the situation would come to the same conclusion that life is pretty meaningless.

And while I don't always feel depressed, death is a presence that doesn't leave. Most days I can easily continue my life while ignoring death but his presence loomed a little larger than usual a few weeks back.

I felt my life being sucked out of me. I was extremely unmotivated – more so than usual – and utterly demoralised. But even in my despondency, I remember the feeling of gratitude washing over me. I was reminded time and time again of how blessed I really am and how undeserving I am of what I have and I began giving thanks – for my family, for my friends, for my workplace. There is a difference between wanting to die and wanting to kill yourself.

I think that difference is gratitude.

And so while life sometimes gets a little harder, I recognise that He has gifted me with much. I know I’m surrounded by people who love me, and most importantly by Love Himself. That, I can give thanks for.

Another year has passed, another year sustained by God :)


Thank you to those who sent me well wishes and for celebrating my birthday. Appreciate it! And of course, the biggest thanks goes to YX who tried to coordinate the celebrations between our friends and my family haha. Planning isn't his strongest suit so he got a bit stressed out throughout the week even though my celebration was a simple affair lol. He also spent a lot of thought (and money!!!) into buying me the perfect gift. I love it, thank you very much 💕

PS, I straightened my hair!! Yay to having fuss free tresses every morning!

IMMENSELY BLESSED

Today, i felt very blessed and loved by the church community (specifically the LG and the LGL team but sadly we didnt take a group photo as a LGL team).

Throughout the years, i have somehow developed a cynicism which made it hard for me to want to be vulnerable. I fed myself the lie that i want to be alone, that i am alone. However, this is false and unbiblical. We may, from time to time, require personal space but we were never meant to struggle alone in our battles. Everyone needs to be loved and to be cared for. Wanting to be alone may be a comforting lie, but a lie nevertheless.

I am still learning and relearning what it means to be vulnerable, to let people love me, to let myself be loved. Sometimes i still fall into the trap of wanting to disengage from people but it is times like these that the church community display what godly love is like to me. To see this bunch of people loving so genuinely and freely really puts me to shame. But it is also their love that encourages me and inspires me to love more genuinely and freely as well.

Today, i am thankful because i know that i have friends (and family of course!) who love and care for me. I am not alone and i dont have to struggle alone.

To the people whom i've hurt, sorry for the things i've said or done to push you aside. To the people who stayed by me despite my prickliness, thank you for your patience and trust in me. I honestly dont know what i've done to deserve you. And to the people whom will continue to walk by me, i may hurt you from time to time but i will try my best to keep learning what it means to love.

And specifically to NYC 7, thank you for being such a blessing in my life. Leadership can sometimes be a lonely journey but when you have an entire group of God-loving and God-fearing people supporting you, it doesn't feel so lonesome anymore :)

MARCHING ON

A playlist of my current favourite K songs to accompany this post. Click play! :)

March has been a month where i invested in people's lives. Not that i don't do so in the past but the kind of investment i am making this time round is different. My investment for this month is not in a traditional sense whereby you expect some returns from the investment but simply giving my time to do things that are more worthwhile. God purposely ushered people into my life and i deliberately reached my hand out. I got to spend time with so many friends and know them in a deeper level. I got to understand them, i got to take a step into their lives. It is only now that i recognise what privilege it is to be able to do so. Previously, i had just see it as a chore haha.

Celebrated Jolene's birthday with a huge feast.

Jess and I celebrated Jolene's 22nd birthday. We have now know each other for close to 3 years but it is only this month that i had deeper conversations with Jolene. God gave me opportunities to spend alone time with her and i told her honestly how i felt about our friendship and my desire for us to delve pass the superficial topics like school and dramas. And as we talked and shared about our lives, our views, our experiences, i felt that we opened up to each other and it was great :) I felt our friendship transited from being instrumental to intrinsic haha. Hopefully in the near future, i will have opportunities to do so with Jess as well. But! I think we did bond over doing manicure hahaha.

Getting pretty skilled at painting people's nails.

I caught up with old friendships this month as well. HY initiated a meet up and at first i was rather lazy to go (HAHAHAHA) but i got reminded how precious our friendship is through the meet up. Most times i take him for granted and forget that he really is a precious person God has placed in my life to be able to share ministry sorrows and exhilarations, for us to encourage and sharpen one another. I think our friendship has really come a long way. When i think back to the time when i was a fresh believer and he was my leader, to the times he shared vulnerably, to the times i cried, to the times when we laugh and make fun of each others' stupiak moments, to the times he invested in my life, to the times we invested in others' lives to now being able to support one another, i am very grateful to have such a friend who saw my spiritual journey from the very beginning :)

Rebecca

I recently got to know a lot of Koreans! Rebecca is someone i met thanks to Val and MX. They were approached by Korean missionaries in Singapore who held a small evangelistic event in NTU and i thought no harm going for the event. Got to know Rebecca from there who turned out that she will be doing exchange in NTU for the semester. She's such a cute dongseng hehehe.

I met Julie (& Shawn) in service. My lg had to sit on the last row as we were late and halfway through the worship, the usher plopped 2 people next to me and told me that there were visitors. I was quite surprised but decided to host them well throughout the service. Eventually, me and Julie exchange contacts and we kept in touch. I had such a great time talking about our lives/culture/faith that 2.5 hours whizzed by just like that! I felt so sad that i had to leave because i wanted to talk more hahaha. But i'll be meeting her again so that's awesooooooome!

Guess who took this photo lol.

So, XX and i did an Easter video for Campus Service. Honestly speaking, i was quite worried when we were editing the video. We were laughing like mad but i was quite sceptical if others would find it as funny as we do. I was reminded in Sec school when we would look at each other and know what we are thinking about (the situation) and laugh while our other friends would be asking "What's so funny?"

But i'm glad that NYC enjoyed the video nevertheless. And so thankful for all those who availed themselves. Really die to self leh, but i think we had a lot of fun!

Met Pong for shepherding this month as well and i just want to say that 1. So thankful for her to be so open about her life to me 2. and even more grateful at how she's been growing. I am so excited to see her grow in her spiritual journey and i know God has great, great plans for her :D

Anginn came back over Easter weekend as well. I was so happy to be able to spend time with her (albeit a short one) and simply talk. We exchanged ideas and theories of what we've learnt, roamed around Haji lane, got kidnapped by this shop owner to model for him (HAHAHA this is the most random thing everrrrr), went for Easter service and updated each other on our lives. I think i am liking one-to-one conversations a lot nowadays. It is so nice to just be able to chat and know one another on a deeper level.

Looking back, March has been a crazy month filled with meet ups with so many different people :O God really gave me a lot of opportunities to be a friend to others. What is common in all of these meet ups is that i get to share Christ to them. Not in the direct, in your face, come my church kind of talks but simply through the sharing of life. Through sharing, I got to understand them better and at the same time, they got to understand who Christ is in my life. It is not the kind of intentionality when you invite friends for service/events that we sometimes have to bolster all our courage to ask but it is the natural overflow that comes from your heart - that when you share about yourself, you can't help but to testify Jesus because he literally takes up such a big portion of you. I am beginning to understand (though i had previously known) that outreach isn't just inviting people to church but being a friend to others and showing Christ to them in our everyday lives. I think it is wonderful to be able to share Christ in a personal manner :)

Other random activities that went on this month:

NOM: Wasn't super pleased with the standard of food. I mean it is still nice and all but because i saw a lot of raves online, i was expecting more :( However, the place is super beautiful and I'm glad that the NYC leadership team got to discuss ministry stuff in a more light-hearted and informal fashion hahaha.

March had been a really fulfilling month because through one-to-one meet ups, i learnt the stories of different people. I can't emphasised how important that is. When you hear the life story of someone, he/she ceases to be an object; a shadow in the midst of a crowd. You get to know the person as he/she is and recognise their human value. You get to see them as how Jesus would. I paused myself in the month of March - You don't pause your work, you pause yourself - because I realised there's so much more to life than just for the days to fly by. I want to enjoy the things that matter. And what can matter more than humans? 

For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

There are so many connections we make with people everyday. Most times, those connections simply become fleeting moments that pass us by as we scurry along life. It takes intentionality to turn them into memories instead. The moment we don't, it will just be swept by the current, gone with the wind.

#machiamlikewedding

Songs that I used during my big 21 party. Click to play; in random order.

September is my favourite month for obvious reasons. And with a blink of an eye, its all over. October has been ushered in.

Thank you to everyone who made time to celebrate my 21st with me. Sorry to make you guys stand for 45 minutes. Those who were not able to make it, your well wishes are acknowledged and appreciated. I am blessed indeed.

I know this space has been dead for the entire of September but i'll be back to revive it, promise. I'm trying to sort out the thoughts in my head and its not easy because i've been feeling so lazy recently. I just want to be unproductive ever since school started.

Battle Of Burgers ft Cafe: 7 Kickstart Brewiches

 

Decided to treat my sister to a good meal for her birthday. We walked for an hour just because the address we found online was the old address :( But the food made up for it. The burgers are HUGE and to die for. My sister got the Best Ever Burger and i got some chilli spicy burger haha. The patty... *salivates* They have moved to Singapore Art Museum, located conveniently beside Bras Basar MRT station (all that walk for nothing!!!) so be sure to get the correct address! 

I mentioned that i was on a burger hunt, no? So far i have tried Omakase, Chilli's, 7 Kickstart Brewiches and Carl's Junior (hey it was mentioned as one of the best and budgeted burgers in SG!). Here's what i think:

Best Original Burger: Omakase
Beef patty, cheese and buns. No more, no less. Going at a price of $13.90. Steep price there but it is worth at least a try.

Guilty-Pleasure Burger: Chilli's.
Who said the burgers cant be sweet? Chilli's take on burgers may differ from the traditional burger but it still tastes awesome... provided if you can get past the guilt after eating. The bacons are GLAZED with sugar. It is a miracle if anyone indulge this without feeling guilty. At an average price of $20, Chilli's can easily win the category of most expensive burger BUT the portion is big enough to be shared among two or three so its a fair game i suppose.

Most Flavourful Burger: 7 Kickstart Brewiches
My sister's burger consisted of cucumbers, tomatoes, fried egg, a chunk of beef patty and thick slices of sausages. You read that right. I have no idea how they actually pile everything in though i suspect its the reason why they stabbed the knife in the middle of the burger so that all the ingredients stay in place. Mine did not have the sausage or the egg because it was not the best burger ever *inserts sad face* but it was filled with spicy sauce. Not very spicy, if you're wondering. But just a huge amount of sauce. I think they have green chilli in the burger? Do not take my word for it. I have been consuming green chilli as part of my condiments recently so there is a high chance of me mixing the ingredients up. Anyway, the burgers cost $12.90 and $8.90 respectively. A highly reasonable price indeed.

Most Budgeted Burger: Carl's Junior
They have decent burgers and the original burger cost less than $10. By far the cheapest amongst the burgers i've tried (not counting KFC, Mcdonalds etc). However, if you ask me to choose between 7 Kickstart Brewiches and Carl's Junior, hands down 7 Kickstart Brewiches. Not only is it bigger and better and it comes with fries (because you need to pay additional to make Carl's Junior a meal if i remember correctly) and you think about it - just by adding a few more dollars you're getting sausages and eggs with your burger! Still, for the sake of convenience and money wise, Carl's Junior wins.

Project: Get More Wrinkles

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? 

Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul?

I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will. 

Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?

As i write this, the melodic Young and Beautiful flows through my ears. Thank you for those who made my twentieth celebration a joyous one. I do not have all the photos but the end of the day, all that matters are those whom i placed close to my heart. It struck me that birthday celebrations are pretty superficial. On the surface, it seems to be an event that honors the birthday person but if you examine closely, it is not so much about the birthday person than the people surrounding him/her. Presents, cards and exaltation are all meaningless unless you have a loved one to celebrate with. And there is nothing i want more than to spend this special day(s) with people whom i hold dearly in my heart. Whether the celebration takes place two weeks earlier or two weeks later has ceased to be important. So thank you to those who took time out for me. If only everyday was my birthday...

Truly, it is not about what you do but whom you do it with.