MYTHS ABOUT BEING A CHURCH LEADER

I dont know about you but when i was simply a church member, i thought being a church leader was so cool. Like you get to know people from other campuses, you get all the latest news, your popularity is no joke - everybody knows you from all 4 corners of the church etc... its like 走路都有风???

I'm sorry to break your bubble but if you think the way i did, then you've been cheated by the glamour.

And so in order to give you a taste of reality, i present to you the 4 myths about being a LGL (based on my own opinion and experience). Also, please take it with a pinch of salt. I scared later i kena PM.

Don't say i never say

Myth 1: Being a LGL is an elevated status
People always say "Oh you rise up to be a leader ah?". They are wrong. DEAD WRONG. In actual fact, you're stepping down the hierarchy.

I remember an incident when i was a pre-believer. My Christian friend was trying to explain to me what a shepherd is. She told me that the more you are a leader, the more you have to serve others. And i literally could not wrap my head around it. To me, the higher status you are, the more power you have. So why would a leader be serving others when it should be the other way round? She tried to explain a few more times but i was still confused and that conversation left an impression in my brain because it was just so crazy to me at that point of time. And years later, after i became a Christian, i understood what she meant.

Church leaders are different from worldly leaders. In the corporate world, it's so much easier to get people to follow your lead. All you have to do is to wield your power and throw your weight around. I mean you can easily cut your subordinate's salary or even demote them or something equivalent if they disobey you. But the bible talks about leadership in a different way.

The moment Jesus knew that all power belongs to him, he humbled himself and washed the feet of his disciples (John 13:3-5). Power has been given to us not to lord over others, but to serve. We are empowered to serve. To be a leader in biblical terms, is equivalent to being a servant in the world.

Matthew 20:26
It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant,

Definitely not the elevated status we think it is.

Myth 2: Being a LGL is an exclusive membership
The title of a leader seem so exclusive. Well i guess it is true to a certain extent. You are included in certain chat groups, you have access to insider info and you even have a  camp designed especially for (uni) church leaders (its just sheer torture tbh)! But i can assure you that sometimes ministry can get so tough that you need all the comrades you can muster to spur you on.

When i started leading, LG literally became my boyfriend. I woke up thinking about LG, went to sleep thinking about the LG, and every free moment in between i was also thinking about the LG. I worried over the people individually and as a group, fretting over their spiritual growth. I have also lost count the number of times i cried for LG. Truth be told, there really is not much glory in being a leader. There are times you put in so much effort but people don't see it. Or worse, they rebel. And these are things that you will not get to experience unless you are a leader yourself because as a leader, you get to see things from an additional pov that other members do not have. Therefore, even when members appreciate your effort and acknowledge your hard work, they most likely cannot empathise what the feeling of being a leader is like (unless they've been a leader once then you really 捡到宝 lor).

Now that i am a LGL myself, i often wonder how  my previous leaders felt and what were the things that i missed out as a member but struck deep within the leaders' hearts. And even though i know this now, i still find it hard to really empathise with the leaders above me because i don't have a full picture of how their ministry is like and so i can never fully understand their plight although i try my best to. This is why comrades are so important.

Myth 3: Being a LGL is desirable

In a corporate setting, subordinates may put up with their displeasure with the bosses because their bosses hold the keys to their bonuses and job. But in church, leaders don't have any incentive for people to follow them. Neither do they have anything that they can threaten their followers with. Leaders, therefore, have no bargaining chip at all. And you wonder... why would anyone bother with this kind of 'servant leadership'?

Not only that, there are many times i found that the title of a 'leader' restricts me from many things. Leaders are called to lead by example, to exemplify a righteous living. One of the biggest example that i can think of is how Timothy and Ruixia had to explain their honeymoon trip to Maldives. In my mind, i thought "this is crazy why do they need to report that to the entire church?" But i knew that it was because leaders are not only accountable to their own leaders, they are accountable to everyone.

Titus 1:7-14
For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it. 

(In case you were wondering, their explanation revolved around their destination, not why they were having a honeymoon.)

At this point of time, you may be thinking "Siqi, are you discouraging people from becoming leaders?" Haha, no. I am not trying to deter people to want to be shepherd of God's flock. In fact if you want to be a leader, come come! Come and share the load! But before that, you need to understand why you choose or not choose to serve - not just referring to the position of a leader but everything else included. Are you serving out of preferences? Because you have certain skills? Sure, they do play a part in shaping what we serve in but the core reason of why we do the things we do ought to be 'God'. And sometimes it just means serving in a role that we might not be 100% happy or good at.

Do i desire to be a leader? Not at all. I would gladly give up my role the moment there's someone who is qualified to do what i do or even do it better than me. I now understand for myself why the bible describes leadership as a noble task (1 Timothy 3:1). It really isn't easy to lay down our rights and serve in humility and it requires a lot of sacrifice. And i honestly think i'm lacking in so many ways as a leader. Many times i've thought to myself, "Let me quickly move on so i dont have to be a leader anymore!" but deep in my heart i know this is not the correct attitude to have.

Yes, I dont desire to be a leader. But what i cannot turn myself away from is God and His church, The church belongs to us. How can we simply be contented as consumers when we can contribute? If we are truly concern about God and His Kingdom, how could we sit back and refuse to get our hands dirty? At the end of the day, we need to count the costs for ourselves and decide if it is worth it. For myself, I never want to come to a point where my heart hardened to the point i dont want to serve Him any longer - no matter the position nor the role, my likings nor my skills.

And in this season of my life, i am called to be a leader and so...

basically sums it all up

And now, the last myth of all:

Myth 4: Being a LGL is always bleak
Although there were many down periods in my leadership journey, there were a few up points too. I rejoiced when others grew. Literally, testimony became my favourite part of the entire LG because i get to hear how people mature in their walk with God. I also learnt what it means to really depend on God. And I gained good friends. Most importantly, i experienced God's heart for people personally during the times when i had to lay myself down and offer myself as a sacrifice like Abraham and Isaac, like God and Jesus.

In other words, I blossomed.

To be honest. i did become jaded after 1 year of being a leader. I stopped having the initial zeal and simply settled for the bare minimum. But God gave me a rude awakening in leadership camp. He reminded me that leadership is a sacred responsibility. How can we take it lightly? Coming 4th June, it will be a new season of leadership for me. I want to start afresh and in many ways, the new structure really is kainos for me. This time round the stakes are higher with a bigger group of people, with the addition of male members and even a male leader.

Um ok can. Time for me to blossom once again.

In sync

I find the photos so amusing! Different countries, different timezones but unanimously the same pose. Hahaha.

Tim Ho Wan

I was forcing my sister to take photo with me yesterday, so i coiled my arm around her neck. Today, when i was browsing through old photos, i saw this:

HAHAHA look at her helpless expression. Lording over my sis since 1996. (Happy belated birthday btw!)

#machiamlikewedding

Songs that I used during my big 21 party. Click to play; in random order.

September is my favourite month for obvious reasons. And with a blink of an eye, its all over. October has been ushered in.

Thank you to everyone who made time to celebrate my 21st with me. Sorry to make you guys stand for 45 minutes. Those who were not able to make it, your well wishes are acknowledged and appreciated. I am blessed indeed.

I know this space has been dead for the entire of September but i'll be back to revive it, promise. I'm trying to sort out the thoughts in my head and its not easy because i've been feeling so lazy recently. I just want to be unproductive ever since school started.

Chinese New Year 2014

You know you're lazy when you simply use the same photos for your instagram and your blog. Happy CNY everyone. I hope everyone's tummies are happy now that they are filled with yummy CNY goodies like mine!

Haha i kid, i kid.

olympics.

"Well she is certainly happy about performing here"
"Youthful exuberance coming out"

 Omg i love Michelle Jenneke so much! She is so cute and funny and sexy. When i say sexy, i dont just mean her looks and her body. I meant her personality - the "I don't give a damn what you think about me."

 HAHAHA so cute :D

I watched the Badminton Men's Single today and boy was it an amazing match between China and Malaysia. I initially supported Malaysia cause i didnt like how Lin Dan looked (haha judgmental) but 5 minutes into the game, i was cheering for China. Lin Dan is soooo goooooood. The power in his shots and the way he recovers from one stance to another was incredible. Lee Chong Wei played extremely well too and it was hard to tell who would win. When China won, Lee Chong Wei looked so sad ): I think he was crying all the way. But i still think Lin Dan deserved to win anyway because you could tell how much potential he has albeit being careless with his shots.

Good game (Y)

confidence

“People always ask me, ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. I wear colors that I really like, I wear makeup that makes me feel pretty, and it really helps. It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and,” she chuckles, "you must decorate it."

- Gabourey Sibide

Chanced upon the above quote today and i found it meaningful. Honestly, i have never been very conscious about my looks. Its not that im beautiful or what. I do think im pretty (please continue reading on what my definition of pretty is before thinking that im bhb) now but when i was in secondary school, i was really ugly. Not that i cared about my looks back then. I didnt pay much attention but if i were to look back and compare, i was really ugly lor.

I always show my SP student card and joke that i did plastic surgery cause i look so different lol.

One reason why i didnt care about how i look in sec sch was because there was no one for me to impress. Like srsly. The boys irritate me easily. I just feel like punching them most of the time. So ya lor, there was no need to be pretty. And i really didnt even think about how i looked at all.

When i was in Poly Year 1, i was in a transition state. My dressing sucked (camp shirts and shorts, anyone?) and only on certain days did i wear makeup. I was not overly obsessed over my looks. I do complain about my nose sometimes and obviously there were days where i think i am ugly la. Then just emo for awhile and i'll get over it. I wasnt too bothered about it but i cared about my appearance just a little more than i did when i was in sec sch.

Year 2 came and i started to dress better because i felt like i was a "disgrace" to CASS students lol. And i began to put more effort in looking better.  *Ahem it was not because i want to impress guys ok. Cause again, there is no one to impress hahaha. Dressing better was for myself. And in fact, i dont think anyone should dress for anyone else but themselves lor. My hair grew longer, i dyed it, i bought nicer clothes etc. And then one day i just realised how pretty i think i am.

I do have my insecurities once in awhile but i think thats normal. However, i really dont understand how people can feel that they are ugly all the time when actually, they are not that bad. And then there are people who look gorgeous but still think they are ugly.

=.=

I am those kind where hardly anyone will agree that im pretty but i think i am pretty nevertheless lor. To clarify, when i say i think im pretty, im not trying to brag or what. And i do NOT visualise myself like this:

I know i look nothing like that la! Which btw, is Esti Ginzburg (one of my favourite models ^^). I dont judge myself with that kind of standards. 

When i say im pretty, it means i like how i look and am satisfied. It means i've accepted how i am even though I KNOW I HAVE FLAWS. It means, instead of focusing on my flaws, i started to pay more attention to my better attributes. I think i am pretty because i am thankful for what i have, rather than complaining what i lack. 

It doesnt mean that i love my flaws though. I just learnt how to live with them. And it most certainly do not mean that i dont have any "i-feel-ugly-today" days. 

So, if you asked me if i think i am pretty, my answer is yes.

But if you asked me if others will think i am pretty, i dont think so. Because they are so many more people who are prettier than me. I am simply good enough for myself. It does not mean that i am good-looking according to society's standards or that i expect people to think i am. 

Now you know moi definition of pretty, you can scroll up to re-read the parts where i said im pretty (bolded it for you!) and understand what i meant. So, even an ordinary person like me can have confidence, i dont understand why popular, drop-dead gorgeous (those kind hot in demand) people hate how they look. And they just keep saying that. I REALLY DONT. 

Also, i really believe in apple in the eye of the beholder. I have friends whom i dont think are that pretty at all but have received compliments from many people. And im like huh? Yup. Beauty is subjective so i dont see the point in worrying if this person/that person likes how you look or not.

I feel sad for my friends who genuinely think they are ugly when they are quite good-looking. You dont have to be pretty to feel pretty. But i understand how hard it is to gain confidence. I may be confident in my looks but im paranoid when it comes to my personality. I am always constantly worrying if i said the wrong things or whether people like me or not. I want to be someone who doesnt care if she gets hated or not. And that is my goal. Not that im going to be mean la but i just want to be confident of my personality instead of trying to please everyone. I think that is why i love Cher Lloyd. She's got so many haters and yet she remained true to herself. #respect!

So yes, to a more confident you and me!

Anywaaaaaaay, I ♥ my denim vest! I think i got it for $10 at SCAPE Flea Market whereas places like F21 sells it for at least double of the price. Hehehe.

But as i wore it out today, i realised a lot of people are wearing denim jackets!! D: One thing i absolutely hate the most is to wear something similar to others. Except my friends la. I refuse to dress the same as all Singaporeans. I wouldnt say Singaporeans dont know how to dress. I think we're getting better! BUT. Singaporeans all just blindly follow trends one. That is something i really cannot stand.

Seriously. Everyone just dress the same. Like a few months ago, the "socks with shoes" trend was in. And everywhere i went, people were just wearing socks with shoes. Im not saying that getting updated with trends is bad but most Singaporeans just follow it blindly and everyone just look the same. There is hardly any individuality, which i think is sad.

Hence, i really dislike it when i wear the same pieces as others. I mean, i dont think i know how to dress very well but i try not to blindly follow what's in but rather getting items that i personally like. And at the point of time when i got my vest, i didnt know it was going to be a fad. But now... I think it is getting popular.

):

So to end off, here is me trying to kill my sister. HAHAHAHA.

oldies

I WILL SURVIVE!!!
Omg hahaha, i listened and danced like everyday to this when i was young!

Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 

James 4:8

Oh Lord, what did i do to deserve your unfailing love and grace? 
How can i ask for your forgiveness?
Ugly at its finest...
Yet, I will try again.
Though i may fail you once more
Please never give up on me.

The sinner and the sinless.

story of my life

I had a really weird train ride today.
First of all, it was freaking crowded. I couldnt play Tilt To Live and i literally wanted to squat down so i can disappear.

Then, a group of Korean guys tried to ask me about some place that sounded like "Son da a bitch"

Seriously. I was like whut?? Did i hear that right or are they trolling me? Then they kept explaining

"No, no Song beachy"

What the hell is Song Beachy? I dont think there's any place in Singapore that starts with Song. Seng Siong maybe??? And why would you even board a train when you dont even know your destination is????

Moving on... Because it was so packed, this bunch of Indian woman squeezed into the train but unfortunately left their friend behind on the station. The Chinese auntie standing next to me laughed and laughed and kept talking to me about how funny it was to leave their friends behind. On the next station, the same exact thing happened too. A woman left her boyfriend because he couldnt get in. And the Chinese auntie talked to me about that too.

But that is not the best part yet. So I was surrounded by Korean, Chinese and Indian right? So the Indian aunties started talking to the Korean boys. And i heard this one comment:

"You look like my grandson!"

?????
Not trying to be racist but how is it possible for a Korean to look like an Indian???




So then, the Chinese auntie and the Korean boys alighted. The Indian auntie turned to me and asked, "Are you Chinese?"

I assumed she was asking if i were from China because why would she not think that Chinese is my race? So i replied, "Yes, I am a Chinese. But im Singaporean,"


"I know you're Singaporean!" she chastised me.


HUH?? You can tell my nationality but not my race? You can tell that im a Singaporean but you have to ask me if i am Chinese? In what way do i not look like a Chinese?????

Oh God... Seriously. All i wanted to do was to play Tilt To Live.

But no.

I have to entertain questions like, "Where is Son Of A Bitch?" and "Are you a Chinese?" and pretend what the Chinese auntie said was funny.

Le sigh.