MYTHS ABOUT BEING A CHURCH LEADER

I dont know about you but when i was simply a church member, i thought being a church leader was so cool. Like you get to know people from other campuses, you get all the latest news, your popularity is no joke - everybody knows you from all 4 corners of the church etc... its like 走路都有风???

I'm sorry to break your bubble but if you think the way i did, then you've been cheated by the glamour.

And so in order to give you a taste of reality, i present to you the 4 myths about being a LGL (based on my own opinion and experience). Also, please take it with a pinch of salt. I scared later i kena PM.

Don't say i never say

Myth 1: Being a LGL is an elevated status
People always say "Oh you rise up to be a leader ah?". They are wrong. DEAD WRONG. In actual fact, you're stepping down the hierarchy.

I remember an incident when i was a pre-believer. My Christian friend was trying to explain to me what a shepherd is. She told me that the more you are a leader, the more you have to serve others. And i literally could not wrap my head around it. To me, the higher status you are, the more power you have. So why would a leader be serving others when it should be the other way round? She tried to explain a few more times but i was still confused and that conversation left an impression in my brain because it was just so crazy to me at that point of time. And years later, after i became a Christian, i understood what she meant.

Church leaders are different from worldly leaders. In the corporate world, it's so much easier to get people to follow your lead. All you have to do is to wield your power and throw your weight around. I mean you can easily cut your subordinate's salary or even demote them or something equivalent if they disobey you. But the bible talks about leadership in a different way.

The moment Jesus knew that all power belongs to him, he humbled himself and washed the feet of his disciples (John 13:3-5). Power has been given to us not to lord over others, but to serve. We are empowered to serve. To be a leader in biblical terms, is equivalent to being a servant in the world.

Matthew 20:26
It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant,

Definitely not the elevated status we think it is.

Myth 2: Being a LGL is an exclusive membership
The title of a leader seem so exclusive. Well i guess it is true to a certain extent. You are included in certain chat groups, you have access to insider info and you even have a  camp designed especially for (uni) church leaders (its just sheer torture tbh)! But i can assure you that sometimes ministry can get so tough that you need all the comrades you can muster to spur you on.

When i started leading, LG literally became my boyfriend. I woke up thinking about LG, went to sleep thinking about the LG, and every free moment in between i was also thinking about the LG. I worried over the people individually and as a group, fretting over their spiritual growth. I have also lost count the number of times i cried for LG. Truth be told, there really is not much glory in being a leader. There are times you put in so much effort but people don't see it. Or worse, they rebel. And these are things that you will not get to experience unless you are a leader yourself because as a leader, you get to see things from an additional pov that other members do not have. Therefore, even when members appreciate your effort and acknowledge your hard work, they most likely cannot empathise what the feeling of being a leader is like (unless they've been a leader once then you really 捡到宝 lor).

Now that i am a LGL myself, i often wonder how  my previous leaders felt and what were the things that i missed out as a member but struck deep within the leaders' hearts. And even though i know this now, i still find it hard to really empathise with the leaders above me because i don't have a full picture of how their ministry is like and so i can never fully understand their plight although i try my best to. This is why comrades are so important.

Myth 3: Being a LGL is desirable

In a corporate setting, subordinates may put up with their displeasure with the bosses because their bosses hold the keys to their bonuses and job. But in church, leaders don't have any incentive for people to follow them. Neither do they have anything that they can threaten their followers with. Leaders, therefore, have no bargaining chip at all. And you wonder... why would anyone bother with this kind of 'servant leadership'?

Not only that, there are many times i found that the title of a 'leader' restricts me from many things. Leaders are called to lead by example, to exemplify a righteous living. One of the biggest example that i can think of is how Timothy and Ruixia had to explain their honeymoon trip to Maldives. In my mind, i thought "this is crazy why do they need to report that to the entire church?" But i knew that it was because leaders are not only accountable to their own leaders, they are accountable to everyone.

Titus 1:7-14
For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it. 

(In case you were wondering, their explanation revolved around their destination, not why they were having a honeymoon.)

At this point of time, you may be thinking "Siqi, are you discouraging people from becoming leaders?" Haha, no. I am not trying to deter people to want to be shepherd of God's flock. In fact if you want to be a leader, come come! Come and share the load! But before that, you need to understand why you choose or not choose to serve - not just referring to the position of a leader but everything else included. Are you serving out of preferences? Because you have certain skills? Sure, they do play a part in shaping what we serve in but the core reason of why we do the things we do ought to be 'God'. And sometimes it just means serving in a role that we might not be 100% happy or good at.

Do i desire to be a leader? Not at all. I would gladly give up my role the moment there's someone who is qualified to do what i do or even do it better than me. I now understand for myself why the bible describes leadership as a noble task (1 Timothy 3:1). It really isn't easy to lay down our rights and serve in humility and it requires a lot of sacrifice. And i honestly think i'm lacking in so many ways as a leader. Many times i've thought to myself, "Let me quickly move on so i dont have to be a leader anymore!" but deep in my heart i know this is not the correct attitude to have.

Yes, I dont desire to be a leader. But what i cannot turn myself away from is God and His church, The church belongs to us. How can we simply be contented as consumers when we can contribute? If we are truly concern about God and His Kingdom, how could we sit back and refuse to get our hands dirty? At the end of the day, we need to count the costs for ourselves and decide if it is worth it. For myself, I never want to come to a point where my heart hardened to the point i dont want to serve Him any longer - no matter the position nor the role, my likings nor my skills.

And in this season of my life, i am called to be a leader and so...

basically sums it all up

And now, the last myth of all:

Myth 4: Being a LGL is always bleak
Although there were many down periods in my leadership journey, there were a few up points too. I rejoiced when others grew. Literally, testimony became my favourite part of the entire LG because i get to hear how people mature in their walk with God. I also learnt what it means to really depend on God. And I gained good friends. Most importantly, i experienced God's heart for people personally during the times when i had to lay myself down and offer myself as a sacrifice like Abraham and Isaac, like God and Jesus.

In other words, I blossomed.

To be honest. i did become jaded after 1 year of being a leader. I stopped having the initial zeal and simply settled for the bare minimum. But God gave me a rude awakening in leadership camp. He reminded me that leadership is a sacred responsibility. How can we take it lightly? Coming 4th June, it will be a new season of leadership for me. I want to start afresh and in many ways, the new structure really is kainos for me. This time round the stakes are higher with a bigger group of people, with the addition of male members and even a male leader.

Um ok can. Time for me to blossom once again.

my idol

Here's a little treat for you guys cause i havent been updating much.

"It's kinda strange cause i always think to myself, would these people be big enough and strong enough to come up to me and say those hurtful things?"

She is so cool and i really look up to her even though she is my age. People hate her cause she looks different (bitchy on X-Factor, which i blame it on her eyebrows), sounds different and acts differently. There was even a hate trend about her on twitter. But she has attitude and i love her for it. No matter what people say about her, she just stay true to herself. And she has so so so much talent. I dont like a lot of her album songs because it was not her style (her company chose the songs) but her X-Factor performances were stunning. Superhero is one of her album songs that i really liked.

Omg she is really a chamelon. She looks so different with each new hairstyle.

oaidnkajbsfuieh. Love her so much.

my life sucks.

Today sibeh suay. I was in school, asking people to do surveys. So me and XW seperated to target different people. When i went to look for her, there was this huge crowd. I thought it was a great chance to ask all the students to help us do the survey so i just jumped right into their conversation. They were looking for the weirdest things that students bring to school or something. So i thought they were doing a project which led me to my next thought: "Hey, if i help them, they will fill in the surveys for us right?".

Wrong.
They were not from SP at all. I realised this when i was posing for them and asked what course they were in. Their response?

Asiaone.

In my head i was like, "Asiaone? Hey, that sounds like Asiaone. Did i hear it correctly? Come on you're joking right?" And then i realised they REALLY were people (ok, interns) from Asiaone. Yeah. And guess what was the item i held up for them to take a picture of?

A recyclable bag.

A freaking recyclable bag!!!!! OF ALL THE THINGS. And my hair was dangling messily around my face because its layered and cant be tied properly. AND I HAD BLUE LIPS. Blue lips!! Oh God... why did i eat cotton candy??????

Im praying very hard that my photo wont appear on the newspaper if not my life is screwed ): Everytime i think of the recyclable bag i really want to bury my head in the ground.

And i have to justify. That thing was in my bag only because i was lazy to take out after my trip to China ok?? Recyclable bags are very important in China... Unless you're not a shopaholic la. I got 2 skirts, 3 pair of stockings, 2 collars, and stuff that i cant remember ALL IN 2 HOURS. You tell me, how to survive without recyclable bag??

If im ever going to be featured in the newspaper, i will be this ugly auntie holding an ugly recyclable bag. I say auntie because when they asked me why i had the item in my bag, i told them its for my shopping. Uh huh. Only aunties bring recyclable bags to shop.

Shop for groceries, that is.

My life is over. All i can do now is hope that they wont choose my picture. I mean, it might just be my first (non-baby) picture in a newspaper and it just had to be screwed up!! Its just like when i was in sec sch and went back to pri sch to visit and realised that MY FACE was plastered onto the wall. I was singing national anthem, my hair was in plaits, i look freaking stupid AND THE PICTURE WAS FREAKING BIG. I can spot it miles away. All the juniors must have thought, "Okaaay. Who is this weirdo?"

Srsly. This is my life. This kind of shit always happen to me.
I am so sad that you cant even imagine T_______T
Brb. I need to go cry about my pathetic life.

American Horror Story

American Horror Story brought its first season to an end Wednesday night (Dec. 21) leaving the viewers wondering what is going to happen with the Harmon family and their supporting characters in Season 2. Executive producer Ryan Murphy spoke with the press Thursday and spilled all the details (without spoilers) for next season.

“The only thing I guess I will say about that is next year of the show, every season of the show, will be a different haunting,” says Murphy. “What you saw in the finale was the end of the Harmon house and the second season of the show will be a brand new home or building to haunt, I guess is the proper way to put it. Just like this year, every season of the show will have a beginning, a middle and an end.”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ):
Oh God, im so addicted to AHS that i cant even explain. I watched like 9 episodes at one go. The last time i was so addicted to a show was TVD but that wasnt as serious as this. Hands down the best show of 2011 - that being said, i have not watched Games Of Thrones which is rumoured to be highly addictive too.

Anyway, what made me want to watch this show rather than GOT were because:

1. My tumblr dashboard was flooded with gifs from AHS.

2. Ok, also because i thought Evan Peters looked hot and interesting from all those gifs.

3. It only had 12 episodes. LOVE LOVE LOVE shows that are short and sweet.

4. I heard that every season will have a different story, which means i dont have to chase seasons after seasons. MAJOR LOVE.

But after watching AHS, i really want the story to continue. How could Ryan Murphy end the story just like that?????? Despite my deep disdain for seasonal shows, i want this to continue. Badly.
There are so many questions left unanswered!!


Like... Who exactly is Constance's 4th child?? And what about the whole deal of the world is going to end?? And i seriously suspect Tate is an "antichrist" too because of this gif:

COME ON. THERE IS DEFINITELY A REASON WHY ALL OF CONSTANCE'S CHILDREN ARE DEFORMED EXCEPT FOR WELL, HIM.


I think i just revealed some spoilers but dont worry, you wont be affected because there are SO many shocking information. Sigh. The only thing that is good about the whole one-season-one-story is that i dont pine and die waiting for season 2. Its gonna be a brand new start.

But praises to Ryan Murphy. For someone who created a lighthearted comedy Glee, he can actually transit seamlessly to writing a dark horror story. Fine, AHS wasnt that scary. If i can finish it alone, so can the majority of you. But still. And Tate Langdon was such an compelling and complete character. Which is why i really want this story to continue. There is so much about him left untold! And Evan Peters and Jessica Lange are such great actors! Especially Jessica Lange, which i just found out acted as Dawn in King Kong.

Truly love season 1 of AHS. Just go watch it. The first few episodes were average but once you reached around the third episode, i bet you will be addicted. That coming from someone like me - I get disappointed easily once people sing praises about a show because i will set high expectations for it. And trust me, i read A LOT of raves on tumblr but this show still did not let me down.

Hopefully season 2 will be just as great or even better than this (:
I miss season 1 greatly already )':

On a sidenote... Now everytime i hear Tonight You Belong To Me by Patience and Prudence, i get shit scared. Its supposedly a sweet song with cheerful tune to it but now all i can think of is HOW CREEPY THE MUSIC SOUNDS. And the finale scene where the family was running away. I swear, AHS has the most intense, wicked and scariest soundtrack, ever.

Harry Potter Finale.

AHHH, Im going to watch Harry Potter later! :D

I havent read ALL the series nor watched ALL the movies but based on what i've read and watch, Harry Potter IS magical :D

I dont usually love books. They might be nice to read but hardly any gets into my favourite list. Even Hunger Games fell short of my expectations. But Harry Potter is a wonderful and beautiful series. I love the plot and the schemes and all. I think im those kind of person who likes to read plots that twist or have a lot of plotting and scheming inside (thats why i like to watch those historic shows where the concubines all vie for the Emperor's attention). It keeps me hooked. And honestly, Harry Potter's plot is very deep. It has always amaze me how JK Rowling thought of so many details, right last down to the very small bits.

Like how each and every mother figure in HP is so brave and beautiful and touching:

think about narcissa who LIED AT THE DARK LORD’S FACE just to find out if her son is alive. and she wasn’t even sure is harry was telling her the truth, but she believed him and she believed him because that was what she wanted: for her son to be safe. and do you remember when she tried to free her son from that task voldemort gave him? she swore that she would do ANYTHING, ANYTHING for her son not to fulfill that task and she doesn’t even care if she’d doing the right thing or not.

think about lily, who sacrificed HER LIFE for the sake of her son. lily who, even at the last moments of her life, thought of protecting her son. lily who, loved her son so much that her love protected him even after she passed on.

and of course, think about molly, who raised SEVEN CHILDREN and was able to raise them well, despite their financial difficulties. molly who fought by her children’s side, molly who faced voldemort’s best lieutenant to defend her only daughter. molly who lost a son to the war. molly who loved harry and hermione like her own.

And you know the tale of the three brothers in Harry Potter?
(Click here if you dont. Please ignore the guy. Its not me)


Like omg!! REVELATION! How in the world is JK Rowling so smart?
Ok, to end it off:
No worries, not much spoilers.

"Our boy finally got it right"
(Please look at Hermoine's face, hahaha!)

I like Hermoine's, Fred and George's, Draco's and Luna's lines!
Btw, i love Luna Lovegood! She's so pretty and her character is so unique :D

And my Emma Watson's speech from the movie red carpet premiere in London:



All pictures are taken from Tumblr.
Btw, my FF has this app where you can change your dashboard theme and mine is HP ^^

who says shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist?

I've been thinking about it. Its not because i have nothing to wear, its because i dont like to repeat my clothes. Which is why i keep buying new ones!!! I feel very sad leh. I think i shopped too much...

THIS MONTH (may i remind you its just half way through July)
I bought 2 dress. One floral and one just a plain white flowy dress.

I bought a leopard shirt/singlet. Not because i want to but because Pearl once suggested to coordinate our clothes when Tanya wear her "sexy back" dress. (I smsed Tanya about the good news and her reply was: NO. )':)


I bought 4 nail polishes because i thought they were pretty even though i hardly wear any now.


I bought a lip tint but that's ok since i wanted to buy it since a long time ago.
Btw, i love lip tint! They are highly pigmented and long lasting! Just make sure you dont buy one that makes your lips dry.


I bought a new pair of shoes... just because.

I bought a wallet... just because too.

I dont even dare to calculate how much i spent on food and miscellaneous ):
Brb, i shall go kill myself now.