NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

I know i am late for the party, be it the Lunar calendar or the Gregorian calendar but hey, all these are merely human constructions right?

I lost my phone last week. It sucks even more not knowing how i lost it. I don't know why bad things always happen to my phone. Am i cursed or what? But throughout this period, i received much concern from friends (and... even family but they deserve a standalone post, should i write about them). My LG tried to rack their brains on where i could even possibly lose the phone in the first place, friends kept checking with me on the status of my phone and helped me to think of alternatives.

Omg, disgress for awhile. JJ Lin's Twilight is playing in the background as i am typing this. How apt LOLOLOL. I shall insert his music video here.



Basically I felt very touched and supported. I probably i wouldn't have bother much if the tables were turned :/  It made me realised how loved i was and it made me think, ohmygod what have i been doing all these while??

For those who have been following my blog, you may know that i've always struggled to want to be close to people. I understand the importance of having good friends and to get (emotional) support from others, but i couldn't bring myself to do so mainly because i didn't see the need for myself. I've always been able to get by alone except for certain times in the year when my emotions run a little amok. During those times, it dawned upon me that i really don't have anyone that i want to talk to about my problems. And i feel so far off from everybody. But even then, a good night sleep had always worked for me. I would wake up the next day and manage my emotions more effectively.

I decided i was sick of this cycle earlier this year. No more operating alone. True la, most of the time i don't feel affected but when it hits, it really sucks ok. So I prayed to God to send me someone that i can trust in my current ministry (i start small, ask for one first hahaha). I also prayed to God for the softening of my heart towards others. And He has presented me a lot of opportunities, which i am thankful for.

Not that i pour my heart out to every living thing i see but i have been making a conscious effort to start talking about my feelings to the people around me. Over the years, I've become such a good listener (be it because of circumstances or because of the roles i have to play) that it's weird when the spotlight shines on me. And also because i know that sometimes people ask just to troubleshoot and not exactly because they want to know about your life (ok la maybe it's just me T.T) so i just give some shallow answers in response.

An intermission: If you're reading this, i just want to firstly say thank you because you're most likely a regular reader of my blog. I think if you do not have any interest in me, you'd probably stop following this space a long time ago since it's not all that interesting at all. So yes, thank you for keeping me in your radar and journeying through with me :)

As a concerned friend, you may feel the urge to try to egg me on to share. But if i clam up, please don't continue to push me. It means either i am not ready to share with you or i am not ready to share about the content. At the appropriate time, with the appropriate person, i will share appropriate stuff. Don't be offended though. It is not a competition to see who can pry me apart. This is my growth process and i trust that you, being part of this, can see this with a holistic perspective. What you can do instead is to keep me in prayers. Prayers may take place in a dark corner where people do not see or realise but i believe that true concern needs no attention to itself, and only seeks the wellbeing of others. So yes, thank you in advance!

Other than that, i have been trying to know various people from NYC e.g. the weekly exercises where i can interact with the juniors and people outside of my own LG. I can't possibly go deep with everyone but i can make effort to get to know others.

I am only left with 1.5 years in NYC. I want to try to invest a little more in this community.

And this is coming from the bottom of my heart, not being pestered by leaders to do so *coughlouishorcough*