KILL 'EM WITH KINDNESS

The world can be a nasty place
You know it, I know it
But we don’t have to fall from grace
Put down the weapons you fight with
And kill 'em with kindness

For the past few months, I've been struggling to love certain people whom I have to face regularly. I look at these people and wonder why do they have to act the way they do, why they have to treat people the way they do.

I understand that people may have past hurts, but that doesn't justify their actions. It's worse when they know their faults, but (seemingly?) don't do anything about it. I feel indignant for the rest, and I can't help but lose respect for such people. It makes me hard to think the best of them, or in other words to love them.

I know my responsibility lies not in changing them but changing myself, and so I've been praying for God to teach me how to love and how to dispense undeserved grace. It hasn't been easy, but I've been trying.

Somehow, the beginning of Feb was the breaking point. Nothing big happened – it was nothing compared to past experience – but I suppose all it takes is a small spark to set the bomb off when you're already so laced with explosives.

I told God I can't do this anymore. Loving people who are difficult to love is hard, and I'm exhausted. It seems like I'm the only one who's even trying and I've come to the end of my trying. I mean, I even prayed for myself! It sucks when you know the other party is doing something wrong but does nothing about it and here you are thinking of ways of how you can change.

Walao, doesn't make sense leh.


Yet there was still a nagging voice in my head. Was I being judgemental? Was I not being loving? I googled terms like "how to judge and love", "how to love someone you can't respect" and "how to love difficult people".

Many articles came up with principles I already knew – Pray for myself, pray for the person, intentionally build a friendship, yada yada. Hello? I've been doing all of that but it didn't work??

But then I came across this sermon (part 1 and part 2).

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

I know it doesn't make sense to be nice to people who don't deserve it. What if they take it for granted? What if they step all over you? But that's the thing. When has Christianity ever makes sense? The ways of Jesus has always run counter to the ways of the world. And that's why loving people who are difficult to love is a hallmark of a disciple of Christ.

How, then, do we go about loving them? Ephesians 4:1-3 and Colossians 3:12-14 give us an idea. Gentleness. Humility. Patience.

1. Humility

"That difficult person, I want you to let the picture of them come to your mind. Do you know why you have to deal with them in humility? Because down deep you have this sense that they are inferior to you."

2. Patience

"Love is macrothumos (patient). It is - take a long time. You know what it means? It means you put up with a lot. It means you endure a lot. It means you tolerate a lot. Who has been the most patient with us? Christ! And He says, “Model that.”

It means you set appropriate boundaries. Those are boundaries. And I set it lovingly, firmly, and forcefully. I wasn’t going to let Bob ruin my life. That’s not loving him. That’s nuts.

But once you set appropriate boundaries, you hang in there and you are patient with them in the same way that God is patient with you.

In a sentence, it’s refuse to allow your irritation and frustration to erupt into negative thoughts and feelings and comments to or about them. That’s what it means to be patient."

3. Gentleness

And lastly, though my lesson on gentleness was not learnt through this sermon a quote from shereadstruth.com stood out to me when I was doing their devotions a few days ago.

"We also know from Scripture that being kind is much more powerful than just being nice. Romans 2:4 tells us that God’s kindness leads us to repentance. In other words, kindness has the power to transform. It is not weak, it does not ignore, it does not push things under the rug. Kindness can change our own lives and the lives of those we love."

The world tells you that you lose out if you're kind. But in God's terms, kindness is a weapon. And when we wield it with patience and humility, we will be able to penetrate into the deepest of souls like God does.



You know, while the application points learnt from the sermons and devotions are useful, what I truly gained out of this experience is a better understanding of my identity in Christ. Tbh, I have been living like a beggar – constantly worried that I'm being taking advantage of if I'm too nice. But God reminded me that I'm a child of God. I have access to God's unlimited resources! Why do I live as a pauper when I am a princess?

I don't have to worry about giving away my love and compassion without expecting others to give them back in return – I have them from my Father God! I can freely give my love and patience to people because I am first and foremost infinitely loved :)