I had a lunchtime conversation with my friends the other day. Well, they had the conversation. I merely sat and listened to them talk.
They were talking about depression. They were talking about how they found life meaningless.
"Sometimes I wish I wasn't a nerd," one commented. "Life would be so much easier. Just look at who are the ones who are suffering from mental illnesses. They are the intelligent ones. Half of the people in IMH have higher IQs than the average person."
It is indeed a privilege to be able to reflect about deep questions. Yet at the same time, it really drains a lot out of the person. Because eventually you'll reach the conclusion that life on earth is indeed... meaningless.
I often think back to the times when I was not a believer. What the heck did I do with my life? It was really just a series of living day after day. Eat. School. Play. Sleep. Repeat. I did not realise it back then but I see it now. Everyday was just a cycle of patterns. There was no meaning, no end to the things I was doing.
And then I look at myself now. It's still the same. It's not as if my efforts won't go to futile after I become Christian. It will. The world will end. I will cease to exist. So why do I work so hard for? Why am I still alive? Honestly it's so much easier being a dead body than to live. And it is not that I can't find joy on earth. There are many things i love and derive happiness from. But the soul still remains insatiable.
The topic of life and death is morbid and people tend to avoid it because it makes them uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable because the end conclusion is whatever that's on earth cannot satisfy us to the fullest. And it is scary to admit that because it's akin to believing that there's no cure to our existential problem. Why am I here? What am I here for? What is the meaning of my existence? If nothing in this world can offer me the solution, then where do I turn to?
But while no one likes to talk about this, I'm sure we have all ponder about it once in a while. Everyone is searching for a life purpose, some point or another. I actually think it's healthy to think about about such stuff. A random bunch of molecules and cells gelled together wouldn't wonder about such philosophical questions. But we are more than a bunch of atoms. And God has set eternity in our hearts. We were made to yearn for something more - something greater than what this world can offer - because the point of our existence resides not in the earth but somewhere else. I love how CS Lewis puts it:
We are all searching. But what puts me at ease is that I know the God of all eternity and hope and because of this, I have also found the meaning of life; the courage of the stars.
To die may be a gain, but to live is always Christ.
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