DOWN THE VALLEY

I am finding it hard to love my mother - emotionally and action-wise.

Perhaps it has always been so just that it was amplified this month. Sometimes i think if it would be better if i just didnt care and not react to anything anymore but you know, the absence of love is not hatred but apathy.

Also, I am finding myself as the chair of many things. It comes with so many obligations and roles to play that I can feel myself running thin once more just that this time round i engage in a half-assed attitude as a form of protection.

I do wish i could pack my bags and head to some deserted island to live alone but no, instead pray for me to be strengthened so that i can love others beyond my own capacity. And pray for me not only to start the race well but to endure and finish the race with the same zeal as in the beginning. Most importantly, pray a for a friend for me that is suitable for this leg of the race. You can't run a marathon without the support and encouragement of another's.

I dont want to be a quitter. I want to be one who perseveres in the refiner's fire.