I'M BAAAAAACK

Not just physically, but spiritually as well.

I have this pattern whereby the frequency i blog is somewhat reflective of how well i am doing spiritually. The weeks leading up to my departure to Germany were not easy. Personal issues surfaced and so did my friends'. Holiday was my escape. I ran away from the things happening in Singapore. I had a 'reason' not to text people, not to reply to messages - not to read them, even. And truth be told, i wasn't just running away from my life. I was also running away from God. I felt that the burdens He had placed upon me were too much for me to shoulder. I was conflicted indeed. Part of me wanted to remain true to Him and the other part of me was just crumbling at the weight of it all. Break my heart for what breaks Yours? Sometimes I can barely breathe those words out when we belt out Hosanna (which btw, is one of the hardest song for me to sing and i am not talking about technicalities).

It was with such spirit that i flew to Germany and thereafter, Itay. There was one time i started tearing up because i thought about all the statues, paintings and relics i've seen on the trip and thought about how they were made as a worship unto God. The artists dedicated their lives creating such majestic art pieces as a reflection of their awe, wonder and adoration. And because of this devotion, God is glorified even centuries after their death. And it struck me what am I doing in my life that is of worship unto God? God is so great. But what am I doing to show His majesty in my life? That when others look at my life, they wonder who is this God that I serve and pledge my allegiance to?

And cue the waterworks.

I think God works wonders though. A friend who had no idea what was happening in my life texted me her QT which had Romans 12:1-2 as its anchor verses. It says:

A Living Sacrifice
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I am not going to go in depth into explanation but that 2 verses encapsulate what worshipping God looks like, why we should worship and how should we go about doing it. It cut deep in my heart and ministered to me. Right now, i am in a better position and ready to bounce back. But above all, i know how to protect myself from falling.

Thank you Jesus. You are truly worthy of it all.