Upon further reflection, i realised how true that statement is. I think most of us are so engrossed in finding our ideal partner that we seldom stop to think "What kind of partner am i?" I suppose then, it is really useless to glue binoculars to our eyes and constantly scanning for good women/men. We should use the time instead to hone our character so as to be a worthy enough match for our significant other.
Another incident came into my mind. I was discussing about relationships and marriage with my mentor. I know most girls can't wait to find their lifelong companion. I, on the other hand, experience heart palpitation and breathing difficulties (not the good kind!!) when i think of spending my life with another person. The idea itself makes me jittery and nauseous. All i could think about when i was conversing with my mentor was "God, how can i trust any other human with my heart? Who can i trust more than myself and You? There is no one else but You, Lord."
And that exact moment God spoke to me. I realised why people always say we should give our hearts to Jesus. Do i trust myself more or Him? Of course Him. Jesus knows best and He has my best interests at heart. I can never hand my own heart over to another man. But i can hand it to Jesus and trust that He will only show it to someone who is worthy of it.*
"She was the most radiant girl I've ever met. Her face literally glowed. She was beautiful - but it was not a contrived beauty, propped up by outward things like clothes and makeup. Rather, her beauty seemed to emanate from somewhere within her. Her eyes sparkled with passion. Her smile lit up the entire room. She was entirely other focused and seemed to completely lose sight of herself. Most men groomed by modern culture wouldn't have given her a second look. She didn't carry herself with that seductive, flirtatious air that guys always seemed to respond to. She didn't dressed to show off her figure. In fact, she didn't pursue guys at all. She was far too busy living out a passionate romance with Jesus Christ to be pining after an earthly prince."
Rather than wrestling with the issues of the heart, I would like to strive to become the aforementioned woman as for now.
I really should go to bed. I have a 930am class tomorr- i mean later today.
*I think i need to be clear that neither wanting to be single nor married is better or worse. It is only problematic when there is a root issue. Yearning for a guy's love is unhealthy. So is deliberately shunning away from love. Both are simply insecurities in different forms.
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