This is a sharing on my opinions and learnings of a topic in the bible. The following content should not be taken wholesale. I would recommend you to conduct your own study too because I do not claim to have complete expertise on this subject although this post was written with the best of my research and knowledge as of date. I vouch that my sharing is not of a fickle-minded nature because i take the studying and preaching of Word seriously. However, it is subjected to further changes because learning is a lifelong process and i may get new insights. My ultimate aim is to inform and whet your appetite to study the bible more so if you think any of my explanations lacking, that's great! Find the answers and we can have a discussion to strengthen our bible knowledge bank ;)
I used to think that there is The One.
But now i realised how silly it is. What if you never got the chance to meet him/her? And what if after getting together, he/she dies? Or you going to remain a widow the rest of your life? Or what if he/she dies before both of you meet? It is only logical to me that you have your own choices as to whom you want to be with.
I used to be boy crazy.
Hahaha, i didn't fall in love easily. No. But i had a lot of crushes. Thinking back, i can't even remember who i admired from afar. All these seemed silly now. It came to a point last year when i suddenly found out that there's so many things i didn't know about myself, so many things i didn't know about God. I simply don't have the time to invest in a relationship when there are so many other important and interesting things to learn out there in the world.
And then i thought i'd rather be single than to get married.
Honestly. The idea of sharing your entire life, your entire being with someone makes me want to puke (note that it is in present tense). Technically speaking, it is much easier to stay alone for the rest of your life than to suddenly include another human being in your consideration. And there is no gurantee that person is going to be a constant in your life after putting so much effort in accommodating and compromising with one another! The risks are much higher than the payback. I did not understand why people are so interested, some even desperate, for a relationship and/or marriage. Look, if you're not satisfied before you are definitely not going to be satisfied after. A relationship is not the cure. Your problem lies deeper within.
And now, i've come to a conclusion that marriage is a gift from God.
I still hold to my beliefs that there is no The One; that a relationship is not the most important aspect in your life (depending on your season. I still have so much to explore and learn than to be committed to someone recklessly. There are certain things you can only do when you're single and once it is gone, it is hard to turn back); that being alone is definitely easier than to be with someone; and that a relationship should not be taken as a solution to your loneliness or insecurities or jealousy or whatever. But it is precisely because marriage is a gift from God that i still hold those beliefs.
Ever Be by Bethel is one of my current favourite songs. I was reflecting on its lyrics when i realised how deep God's love for us is. Our relationship with God is not just a mere relationship. It is covenanted.
covenantWhen theologists talk about covenant, they generally speak of 3 main types of covenants - Covenant of Redemption (aka Eternal Covenant), Covenant of Works, Covenant of Grace. CR was made between the Holy Trinity whereas the latter covenants are made between God and men.
[kuhv-uh-nuh nt]
1. An agreement, usually formal, between two or more persons to do or not do something specified.
It is the Covenant of Redemption that is the crux of this post so i'll not be mentioning the other 2 here.
In the Bible, it is clearly stated that the Covenant of Redemption is of eternal nature. It was made from the beginning of time among the three Persons of the Trinity to elect, atone for, and save people unto salvation and eternal life. This covenant was made before the universe was created, and it consisted of the Father promising to bring to the Son all whom the Father had given Him. In this covenant, Jesus was selected to later become man, to be the mediator between God and Man when Man falls (since God is all knowing, He already knew that Man was to fall), to be under the Law and to fulfill the Law perfectly.
This means that Jesus has pledged Himself to us even before we were created. Therefore if Jesus' bride was tainted, He would go any lengths to make her clean and get her back - even to the point of crucification and death. And he did.
He had pledged to do so even before it happened; he pledged to do so even after he knew what will happen.
It is just as the song goes:
For You will have Your bride
Free of all her guilt and rid of all her shame
And known by her true name
Hence, Jesus did not exactly choose to save us at the moment of crucification nor the moment of the capture. Rather he chose to fulfil his pledge, his oath, his vow to us. He could have rejected the bride but he did not. Instead, he wrapped himself around her and made her clean and beautiful. He makes her worthy to be his bride. He does all he can to present an reinstated bride worthy of his love. He pledged himself to his bride and was faithful till the very end. That is the love of God for us. No fireworks nor butterflies nor any rose tinted filter. No. But it is a covenanted and faithful love.
It is love at its purest form.
The entire song draws analogy to a marriage, if you haven't noticed by now.
A marriage is a covenant. A marriage is a reflection of the relationship between Jesus and the Church. And that is how a marriage should be. It is not about romanticism. It is about commitment. You vow to be together for better or for worse. If one falls away, the other has to pursue the lost one back. And you are share everything with each other. Not just your worldly possessions but your very selves too.
And that what makes a marriage beautiful. That is what makes a marriage a gift from God. We are each other's representation of what God has gifted the world (there are actually more reasons why marriage is a blessing but i won't talk about it here). Marriage is a reflection of God's love to the world! Therefore, marriage, or even love, is not about lust nor of a self-seeking nature that the society and media adore and pursue. Love is not about taking or what the other person can do for you. Love is about giving. Love is selfless. Love is commitment.
I don't want my relationship with a guy to be founded on romanticism. Fireworks only last for seconds. Butterflies eventually die. Rose tinted filter will only give you a misperception of sight. I think this is why i was so touched by LKY's love story with his wife. I don't know if they are Christians or what but theirs was a marriage based on mutual respect and love. No frills. Just plain commitment to each other. It was such simplicity that blew people's minds. An excerpt from CS Lewis' Mere Christianity:
Btw, marriage as a reflection of Jesus and the Church is also the reason why Christians are (and should be!!) so protective of the sanctity of marriage. Not only is it God's design but it is also a highly symbolic and biblical event. You can't have Jesus marrying Jesus, nor can you have the church marrying the church. And i truly believe that a married couple should not file for a divorce (update: except for special circumstances which i need to think through it more). There is no such thing as backing out. Marriage is a pledge and a commitment. Can you imagine if Jesus fail to honour his commitment? Holy cow! Thus, if marriage has no room for to fulfil its nature, then why even bother getting married when it will eventually going to fall apart? Just for the sake of registration? For a certificate? For institutionalised recognition? For alimony? Food for thought: What does a marriage even mean to you?
Now, go listen to Ever Be and reflect on its lyrics.
References: 1 2
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