In a world that teaches that you earn what you deserve, how does unmerited grace comes in? There are so many times i feel that im so unworthy, so undeserving, so dirty, so sinful of God's grace because of what i did, what i've done and what i will choose to do. I have no problem embracing His love but it is His grace that makes me shameful. Some might exploit God's grace by justifying "He will forgive me anyway" (which by effect is grace no more since grace is unmerited) but how could i stand in front of God unabashed of my sins? How could i bear to shamelessly cry "Abba Father forgive me!" if i had sinned again? How could i accept His forgiveness only to disappoint Him again? My tears are dripped with shame every time i stand in front of God with my sins before Him.
K came to me with this same problem a few months ago. How could he possibly draw himself close to God when he knows exactly how sinful he was? "It's the trick of the devil," i said but easier said than done.
This past few months someone taught me something precious. A gift, not an exchange. I have realised that gifts cannot be earned nor traded. Refusing does not means that the other party stops giving. You can keep on refusing but they can also continually choose to offer.
A gift, a gift, a gift.
Grace is a gift i can choose not to receive but a gift that God can choose to continually give.
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