Why do the nations rage when The King is on His throne?

(Its a long post so if you dont want to read, you dont have to)


I wanted to do this post for a very long time already but i just kept procrastinating. But i think today is the right time (:

I think not many people know that i am a Christian because i have never openly stated it. So, today, i am taking a stand.

I think i have converted since a year and a half ago. And i reconverted a year ago. The reason why i never tell state that i am a Christian was because i was still confused, scared and uncertain. The walk with God is never easy. I was constantly battling and even up till now, i am. But its so much better (:

And story starts when i was a child.
My family and relatives are all believers of Buddhism. Except for one. My cousin's family. When i was younger, she would invite me to her church parties/events. I never thought much because as long as there's food and games, who cares? So every time she asks, i always go.

Then during my secondary school years, she stopped asking me. I didnt think much of it. When i was in upper sec, Shih Ching kept asking me and my friends to go church. I asked my mom about it and she gave a negative response, which was surprising because she always allowed me to go for my cousin's events when i was younger.

Anyway, Shih Ching kept pestering so one day i agreed. I went out behind my parents' back. And i swear, it was freaking scary! I thought it was going to be all fun like the children's party but NO! It started out like a concert atmosphere (Praise) and i was having fun. And then suddenly the mood changed to a solemn one (Worship). Some people started crying and i was completely lost. They seemed so engrossed, closing their eyes praying. I didnt know what to do so i bowed my head too.

AND THEY STARTED TO SPEAK IN TONGUES.
I had no clue what the hell was Tongues and when suddenly everyone spoke i was damn terrified ok. All i was thinking was, "OMGOMG, are they possessed?? What am i supposed to do?? When is this thing going to be over? OMGOMGOMG."

From then on, i made a mental point to reject every time Shih Ching asked me to go church.

I can say that Shih Ching tried very hard to invite me but 99% of the time, i refused. The 1% i agreed because i felt bad. I really hate to say "No" to people which is why there was a point of time i really disliked her. She kept asking me non-stop even though i kept saying no! And it was so tough to reject because i dont like to disappoint people. But anyway, even though she tried her best, i didnt convert. But i did know a tad bit more about Christianity.

After i graduate from secondary school, my cousin started asking me to her church again. I agreed because she is my cousin after all, duh. But at a point of time, i got fed up. That very day, she invited me to her church. I decided to tell her not to do so anymore after the session was over. I even prepared a speech, no joke.

Thing is, God has His own plan.
Even before i managed to say my carefully planned speech, i converted.
It was all so fast and emotional. I could still remember Shu Wei Jie was sharing about the Gospel to me and i was thinking, "Yeah, interesting story," nonchalantly. Then she asked if i would like to convert. I hesitated and the next question i asked sealed my fate.

"Do non-Christians go to hell?"

Even though i already kinda know the answer, i still wanted to confirm. She said yes.

I dont know what got over me but i began to cry.
I didnt cry because i was scared to go to hell. I cried because i was scared for my friends and family. I did things that made many people sad so tbh, i dont mind going to hell. But my family and friends have been nothing except for being wonderful. They are the best people in the world and i love them so much. So much that thinking they might be sent to hell made me cry.

And i cried a lot. I was uncontrollable and shaking and blahblahblah. Anyway, Shu Wei said that if i became a Christian, i can influence my friends and family so i said yes. I can still remember exactly what Shu Wei Jie said after that.

"Do you know that the angels are cheering for you? They are all around you."

After i stopped crying, i started to think. What if i said yes because i didnt think clearly? I was emotional, hello? So i was very uncertain about everything. Although i didnt go church because it would be obvious and my parents would know, I met up a few times with Esther (which explains why the first chapter i read from the Bible is Esther) for teachings. Now then i realised it is shepherding =.=

After about 1 - 2 months, i finally told my mom.
I was lying on the bed sleep-thinking. And once again, i dont know what got over me, but i decided to tell my mom. I sat on the sofa for very long. When my mom asked why i am not going to bed, i said nothing. I think i sat on the sofa for an hour, doing nothing but just looking at my mom. And i finally said, "I need to tell you something". It was so hard for me that i cried (again =.=) and my mom thought i was raped or something, lol.

But she was nice about it so i thought it was all ok. The next time i wanted to go church, she got really angry. I think she was only nice to me that day because i was crying so hard and after the age of 12, i have never ever cried in front of my parents before. And i cant remember what happened after that but i stopped meeting up with Esther for some reason.

And thus began Poly.
I met Xiuwen. We were on the bus to FEP when she asked about my religion. I said that I am not a Christian but i believe in God because i dont attend church. Then she asked me to go her church. Like i mentioned, i dont like to say no so i agreed. And lo behold. I found out that its the same church as Shih Ching.

Yes, secondary school saga all over again.
And on that very day i went, i re-converted because Xiuwen pulled me and Rebekah down when they asked who would like to say the Sinner's Prayer or smth. May i state once again, i was under confusion because i had no idea what was going on.

Anyway, that's how i joined church. The two times i converted, it was done with uncertainty. And i lived with that insecurity for a looooooong time. There were so many, countless times where i wanted to give up. But because i dont like to reject people, i held on. Sure, there were times where God answer my prayers but most of the time, i dont feel anything from Him.

Until a few months ago.
For once, i really felt the power of His love. I think i was so moved that i cried. It was like "waiting for a rain in this drought" (A Cinderella Story ^^). The miracle i prayed so hard for finally came true and it was so strong and impactful.

The second time i felt His power was during Prayer Meet, i think.
We were all just praying and suddenly, Carinna came over to me and said that she had a message from God for me. I have never told her anything about my insecurities or feelings but what she said was so true for me. I cried so hard after that.

I think that's the thing about Christians. They really do cry a lot imo. I cant really explain why but when you feel how powerful God is; when you see miracles happening; when you know that you're being loved by your creator no matter what, what is there not to cry for?

And hence, from that two incidents onwards, i can finally say that i am a Christian. I have changed from an anti-Christian to who i am now. Looking back, i see how God has work into my life for the past 18 years. Is it merely a coincidence that i convert in just a whim? Is it merely a coincidence that Shih Ching and Xiuwen are from the same church? Is it just a coincidence when my prayers are answered by Him?

I choose not to think so (:

I have a lot of friends who are not Christians. I dont intend on forcing them because i've been through that and i know how it feels like. When people say that they dont believe in God, i smile inwardly because i know things will change. But when P presented an Atheist writer (for the lack of better words) during Show and Tell, i felt sad. I see the man so convinced that there is no God and then i see how happy/excited P was. To me, i really cant think how someone can be so convinced God does not exist. Who cares about theories? Have you experience the miracles? How can such things be explained by words? Even when i was anti-Christian, i knew in my heart that there IS a God out there.

I took zero offence but i just feel sad. Sad because with that mindset, it is hard for them to experience the magical walk with God when He has so much to offer.

But oh well, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. Ho hum.

The miracle of Christ in me
Is the mystery that sets me free
I'm nothing like I used to be
Open up your eyes you'll see