LIFE AFTER DEATH

So much has happened since my last update in March. Just 2 weeks after my previous post, my grandma passed away. It all happened so suddenly – she was admitted into the hospital for a fall and passed on after a few days. On hindsight, perhaps it wasn't all that sudden. The signs were there, just that we didn't notice.

I think that was what hit all of us the hardest. Throughout the funeral, my relatives lamented that they should have done more. They pieced together little details of how my grandma became cranky ever since the start of the year, and how she had no energy to even leave her bed, and how she kept having nightmares of our ancestors' hands clawing at her body at night.

I, too, had my fair share of obliviousness. The day YX and I visited her, she told me how she could barely walked to the nearby hawker centre to buy lunch. She was so out of breath that she asked a passerby to help her buy some food and passed him a $100 note. When she told my that story, I simply laughed. I should have known then how much she was suffering to even find it difficult to even buy herself a meal.

All the memories and regrets came rushing back at me during the wake. And grief, it came like waves – Just when I thought I was feeling better, the pain of losing my grandma hit me again. I smiled and hosted others when people were around, but cried myself to sleep when everyone else left.

That said, I was glad to have the time alone. It was my time to process my grief, and I had undisturbed period to tend to my pain. I was able to wallow in my sadness and reminisce about my grandma The first few days were hard, but I recovered shortly after the funeral ended. I moved on so fast, I surprised myself. Even up till today, I'm still asking why do I not feel sad anymore? Shouldn't I be grieving a little more? Shouldn't I still be upset?

I have my theory why. Perhaps, at the end of the day, this was how God intended us to be. Life still goes on even as another passes on because we're not made to depend completely on another man. We're made to depend on God. And that's why life can still continue for the living, and the dead can be with Christ.

I'm so glad that my grandma allowed Jesus into her life before she passed. I'm also happy that I was by her side during her last moments on earth. I was able to play a worship song for her and prayed for her as I watched her life slowly come to an end.

I miss her very much, but I know I'll one day see her in heaven.

Side note: I had my wisdom tooth surgery earlier this month and experienced a mild seizure after that. How eventful my life has been. HAHA.