The bigger purpose

I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.

Most people’s problem isn’t that they can’t find what they’re looking for; It’s that they never took the time to notice it was always there.

My father is really tall. He has a huge tummy despite being lean. He has little hair, which most of it are brownish-grey, thanks to whatever herbs he used. My mother, on the other hand, has black hair. She dyed it so that no grey hair would show. She is very skinny. I can easily recognise my parents from far away.

Yet, once, when we were having supper together, i realised that i've never quite noticed the deep-set wrinkles on my father's forehead. Neither did i ever took notice of my mother's eyes, which were quite droppy looking. They have aged... significantly. Thats when it dawned upon me that even though i know how my parents looked like, i never knew exactly how they looked like.

Same goes for life. We take things for granted. Everyday we just wake up, take the train, face the same people, go home, do work and sleep. The same people, the same work, the same routine. We live a life so mundane. We dont take the time to really look what is happening in the world; what the world looks like. Its as if we are just waiting for death and in the meantime, we just try to survive. That scares me. I refuse to believe that we dont have a purpose in life - That we are just here by accident. Because if thats the case, life and death has no meaning. I might as well commit suicide today. Its easier, you know? There must be a bigger purpose to why I was born. I guess i know the reason but i've yet to fully accept it.

Academics, achievements, career... all these are merely tools to help you live an easier life. But they are not life itself. It saddens me that the society we are living in places utmost priority on stuff that has zero meaning once we die. It angers me even more knowing that it will be hard to escape from its binds. This scares me so much that im not even sure i have the courage to even try.

This holiday i really want to spend quality time with myself. I have been so wrapped up with projects and my life has been so hectic and fast-paced. Im going to dress prettily, watch movies, eat cakes, observe people, shop and enjoy life. Hopefully, through all these activities, i will understand God more and draw closer to Him.

I am almost 19. Its time to discover what are my principles and what i stand for. Its time to rediscover myself.