what is love?

I have been wanting to write this for a very long time. Its been on my mind and i have given this a lot of thought. But i have never expressed my opinion because its really long.

But... What is love?

 

Honestly, i have seen so many people who claimed they know love, who are in love, who crave for love. I have so many friends that are attached yet in the end, they break up with their partner. Why? Was it because they didnt love each other enough? Was it because it wasnt love in the first place? Has anyone even really thought about what exactly is love?

Is it when you get butterflies in your stomach? Or when your cheeks turn red? Or when your heart starts palpitating and your palms start sweating? Aren't those common symptoms of someone being in love?

Maybe, maybe not.

I mean, for those old couples, they dont feel jittery everytime they look at their lover, do they? They dont go, "Oh, she's so beautiful," when they wake up next to each other do they? All these are moments dramatised by media and society. I think that is one reason why i detest reading romance books nowadys. Hate it when its are fixated on love, love love. Books are not supposed to be all about romance! They should teach you about life, provide experiences that you will never go through. But most books nowadays just craft out beautiful stories about how this guy love this girl; how this girl pine for that guy blahblahblah. Thats not reality. Thats an illusion.

And beautiful illusions, no matter how beautiful they are, are still lies.

I know how people turn to books when reality becomes harsh and they need a temporary hideout. But to bring such fairytales expectations to real life is not wise.

But people crave for love. Who doesnt? Everyone wants someone who care especially for them. Everyone wants someone who gives them special attention. Everyone wants someone who they can love. Love is a natural thing to us. We want others to love us, just as much as we want to love others.

Everyone is searching so hard for that one person that, i feel, as long as someone comes along who matches remotely to what they are looking for, they will just settle for that.

See, there are so many teenagers out there in a relationship. But how many last? I am not saying that they dont have feelings for one another. Duh, of course some people do it for fun. And some really married one another eventually. But others... they do like each other more than a typical friend, but not enough.

It's not love. It's infatuation.

I used to think that i was in love at least twice. I have so many crushes that i cant even remember but there is one or two guys who i really have a lot of feelings for. Everytime i looked at them, i felt breathless. And i mistook that for love. Now, i realised that what i felt was infatuation; a "level" higher than just a crush. Getting infautated is easy. But truly loving someone? That's the difficulty. And that's the difference.

Then, what is love? If its not about heart beating faster, being breathless, being lost in each other's eyes, then what is it?

I'll tell you my definition of love. Yes, its about not being able to stop thinking of him, wanting to spend every waking minute with that person, about pounding heart, sweaty and trembling palms, and when all love songs are about him...

But its more than just that. The list above is what books and shows describe to you. But what they dont tell you is this:

Love is all about understanding and caring.

Those are the basis of love. At least, what i think love is. You might say how can love be so simple? Just about understanding and caring? Anyone can do that.

My dear friends, ask yourself this question: Have you ever really understood someone?

No one, i repeat, no one in the entire world can understand another person fully. Its logical, really. First, how can someone experience the exact situations as another person had gone through? Even if they really did, it doesnt mean they understand because how each person think and deal with situations is different. Some might think situation A is nothing but to another person, it might be traumatizing.

Secondly, humans are selfish. Perhaps there are some who are really selfless but people are selfish generally. Sure, friends sit down and listen to your problems. They sympathise with you. But do they empathise for you?

 

And how many will be there for you? I used to always say "Of course i will always be there for you!" But now, i say "I'll try my best to be there for you," Why? Because i know that there will be a point where i will break down from listening to all the problems. I would think "OMG. Everyone has their own problems. Cant you just deal with yours?"

 

And the funny thing is, people always say how no one noticed that they are sad. Want to know why? Because everybody is busy thinking about the same thing about themselves. Everyone is occupied about feeling sorry for themselves yet they are so desperate to find one that would look at them differently; who would take time to look at them at a deeper level. Ironic and funny, isn't it?

With all that, understanding someone is really difficult. Which is why loving someone is not easy.

Love is more than just understanding and caring though... which is also why there are people who love each other so much yet they dont end up with one another. Like, having different values. They might be able to understand and care for one another but if they have different values (let's say A thinks that flirting while in a r/s is not ok but B think is ok etc), they will most likely to not end up with each other

People think that falling in love is easy. I dont think so. Getting infatuated is easy. Falling and staying in love is not.

And also, i dont believe in The One.

A few months ago, i was agreeing with Shafeeqah that God has someone destined for us. Xiuwen said that she rather marry someone who is rich but she doesnt love that much rather than someone who is poor but she loves very much. She believes that love can be nurtured. Me and Shaf totally disagreed. We were saying even if love can be nurtured, it will never amount to the love that we have for The One.

Now, i just shake my head and laugh at myself for being so... silly?
If there is really The One, that one particular guy that you are destined to end up with, then what happens to you if that person died even before you meet him?

What about those widows? Why do some of them remarried again? Did God just magically pop up another The One for them to marry?

It doesnt make sense does it? And then, why do The One often turns out to be our ex-classmate/colleague/boss/friend/friend's friend/a local? Seriously. Why is it always someone that you meet often? And dont you always ask yourself this question angrily: WHY "THE ONE" CANNOT BE ANGMOH? WHY IS IT MOST LIKELY TO BE A SINGAPOREAN? I WANT TO MARRY AN ANG MOOOOOOOOH!!!

Hahahaha. I mean, if there is a The One then why so many locals marry locals? The One also can be from overseas what. But why is it most likely to be the collegue seating next to you or a friend that you have known for ages? Let me tell you why.

Because what are the chance of meeting an Angmoh VS a Singaporean? And love is about understanding right? How can you understand someone if you dont spend a lot of time with them?

”I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them that no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around invisibly for a day and you saw them crying in their bed at night or singing to themselves as they make a sandwich or even just walking along the street and even if they were really weird and had no friends at school, I think after seeing them at their most vulnerable you wouldn’t be able to help falling in love with them. ”

I saw this on my tumblr dashboard few months ago. I dismissed it because i totally didnt believe in love can be nurtured. But now? Totally do. I used to be such a romantic. Thinking, one day, my prince will find his way to me and sweep me off my feet. Thinking, love would be like fireworks - wild, beautiful and colourful.

However, those happy endings are only found in storybooks. And storybook is no real life.

I dont know when i have become such a skeptic about love. Maybe its because i see celebrities marry and divorce and so many of my friends get together and break up. Best. A lot of them date each other's exes.

=.=

Not judging because i know there are people who marry their secondary/poly/jc girlfriend/boyfriend ok. But how many are there? Is it because they never really give a thought about love? Or their conclusion about love is different from mine? Or because they know what love is but just get into a relationship anyway even though they are infatuated, not in love, with the other person? Or they dont know what is love so they just try around and if the right one comes, they'll know?

I dont know. And honestly, i dont really know how you know if you love someone. Maybe what i have concluded is wrong. Maybe i would change my views again, just like how i changed my views on The One. All i know is that to love someone, you must understand and care about them. And that i will never go into a relationship unless i believe that i love the person.

Anyway, to end off. I found this website where they state that different signs of being in love could be symptoms of fatal diseases. HAHAHA omg damn funny. HAHAHAHA!
link!