confidence

“People always ask me, ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. I wear colors that I really like, I wear makeup that makes me feel pretty, and it really helps. It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and,” she chuckles, "you must decorate it."

- Gabourey Sibide

Chanced upon the above quote today and i found it meaningful. Honestly, i have never been very conscious about my looks. Its not that im beautiful or what. I do think im pretty (please continue reading on what my definition of pretty is before thinking that im bhb) now but when i was in secondary school, i was really ugly. Not that i cared about my looks back then. I didnt pay much attention but if i were to look back and compare, i was really ugly lor.

I always show my SP student card and joke that i did plastic surgery cause i look so different lol.

One reason why i didnt care about how i look in sec sch was because there was no one for me to impress. Like srsly. The boys irritate me easily. I just feel like punching them most of the time. So ya lor, there was no need to be pretty. And i really didnt even think about how i looked at all.

When i was in Poly Year 1, i was in a transition state. My dressing sucked (camp shirts and shorts, anyone?) and only on certain days did i wear makeup. I was not overly obsessed over my looks. I do complain about my nose sometimes and obviously there were days where i think i am ugly la. Then just emo for awhile and i'll get over it. I wasnt too bothered about it but i cared about my appearance just a little more than i did when i was in sec sch.

Year 2 came and i started to dress better because i felt like i was a "disgrace" to CASS students lol. And i began to put more effort in looking better.  *Ahem it was not because i want to impress guys ok. Cause again, there is no one to impress hahaha. Dressing better was for myself. And in fact, i dont think anyone should dress for anyone else but themselves lor. My hair grew longer, i dyed it, i bought nicer clothes etc. And then one day i just realised how pretty i think i am.

I do have my insecurities once in awhile but i think thats normal. However, i really dont understand how people can feel that they are ugly all the time when actually, they are not that bad. And then there are people who look gorgeous but still think they are ugly.

=.=

I am those kind where hardly anyone will agree that im pretty but i think i am pretty nevertheless lor. To clarify, when i say i think im pretty, im not trying to brag or what. And i do NOT visualise myself like this:

I know i look nothing like that la! Which btw, is Esti Ginzburg (one of my favourite models ^^). I dont judge myself with that kind of standards. 

When i say im pretty, it means i like how i look and am satisfied. It means i've accepted how i am even though I KNOW I HAVE FLAWS. It means, instead of focusing on my flaws, i started to pay more attention to my better attributes. I think i am pretty because i am thankful for what i have, rather than complaining what i lack. 

It doesnt mean that i love my flaws though. I just learnt how to live with them. And it most certainly do not mean that i dont have any "i-feel-ugly-today" days. 

So, if you asked me if i think i am pretty, my answer is yes.

But if you asked me if others will think i am pretty, i dont think so. Because they are so many more people who are prettier than me. I am simply good enough for myself. It does not mean that i am good-looking according to society's standards or that i expect people to think i am. 

Now you know moi definition of pretty, you can scroll up to re-read the parts where i said im pretty (bolded it for you!) and understand what i meant. So, even an ordinary person like me can have confidence, i dont understand why popular, drop-dead gorgeous (those kind hot in demand) people hate how they look. And they just keep saying that. I REALLY DONT. 

Also, i really believe in apple in the eye of the beholder. I have friends whom i dont think are that pretty at all but have received compliments from many people. And im like huh? Yup. Beauty is subjective so i dont see the point in worrying if this person/that person likes how you look or not.

I feel sad for my friends who genuinely think they are ugly when they are quite good-looking. You dont have to be pretty to feel pretty. But i understand how hard it is to gain confidence. I may be confident in my looks but im paranoid when it comes to my personality. I am always constantly worrying if i said the wrong things or whether people like me or not. I want to be someone who doesnt care if she gets hated or not. And that is my goal. Not that im going to be mean la but i just want to be confident of my personality instead of trying to please everyone. I think that is why i love Cher Lloyd. She's got so many haters and yet she remained true to herself. #respect!

So yes, to a more confident you and me!

Anywaaaaaaay, I ♥ my denim vest! I think i got it for $10 at SCAPE Flea Market whereas places like F21 sells it for at least double of the price. Hehehe.

But as i wore it out today, i realised a lot of people are wearing denim jackets!! D: One thing i absolutely hate the most is to wear something similar to others. Except my friends la. I refuse to dress the same as all Singaporeans. I wouldnt say Singaporeans dont know how to dress. I think we're getting better! BUT. Singaporeans all just blindly follow trends one. That is something i really cannot stand.

Seriously. Everyone just dress the same. Like a few months ago, the "socks with shoes" trend was in. And everywhere i went, people were just wearing socks with shoes. Im not saying that getting updated with trends is bad but most Singaporeans just follow it blindly and everyone just look the same. There is hardly any individuality, which i think is sad.

Hence, i really dislike it when i wear the same pieces as others. I mean, i dont think i know how to dress very well but i try not to blindly follow what's in but rather getting items that i personally like. And at the point of time when i got my vest, i didnt know it was going to be a fad. But now... I think it is getting popular.

):

So to end off, here is me trying to kill my sister. HAHAHAHA.