close your eyes and... breathe

天空是绵绵的糖就算塌下来又怎样
雨下再大又怎样干脆开心的淋一场

i wonder how can one stay so happy all the time.
can you teach me the trick?
i wanna be so confident that nobody will doubt my confidence.
not even myself.

VPPP is so stressful... I know i may look nonchalent (playing games while everyone is editing their video and wasting that 7 hours??) but i was freaking out when im alone. On the mrt; on the bus; on my bed, trying to sleep. I almost wanted to cry yesterday. Its been a long time since i wanted to cry because of my academic. The last was because of Amaths which i continuously remained at the bottom of my class (and possibly cohort) for a year.

But at least obstacle 1 is cleared (:

After thinking much yesterday, i decided to give it my all for the rest of my years in poly. What's the use of feeling lousy and wanting to cry? I've been way too slack seeing how my classmates are pushing themselves over the limit. Im not a stupid girl who doesnt care about her results and cant do anything decent. I will stretch myself and i will survive.

So many doubts have surfaced on my mind. Was i right to choose this course? Was i right to pursue something i like but is risky rather rather than something that will give me a stable income even if i dislike it? When i graduate from my sec sch fresh, i decided to NEVER again study something that i hated now that i have a choice. I told myself, "What if you die tomorrow? You'll definitely regret studying for your future instead of studying out of your interest." I was so convinced, all thanks to Amaths.

But now... im not even sure myself.
In my course, its either you get it or you dont. You cant memorise formulas like Maths or Science. If you have the talent, you will do well. Otherwise, good luck man. Unfortunately, i fall into the latter category - i dont have the capability unlike some of my classmates. The future seems so dim... i dont even know what im going to study in university. I dont know what im going to work as.

I know i should just leave it to God (which is how i landed in this course) but sometimes i cant help to worry.
Ok i should not be such a worrier. Everything's gonna be fine. I will survive. I will survive.


I look so pale. Looks like VPPP is sucking the life out of me.
Dont worry, after next week i'll prolly be fine yet again (: